A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My question revolves around how you act/present yourself towards society and what you actually, REALLY think. I know this is not DIRECTLY linked to love or anything to this site. But even so I wanted you to share your thoughs.Usually we will behave according to the codes imposed by society. Afterall there must be a balance in behaviors so that we can live peacefully. Yes.. but then we cannot talk about honesty in its full sense i think. People are always acting even if they don't know they are. Why? Because we are restrained by those moral and ethic codes. Therefore if people think deeper they will realize that they don't really know who they are anymore or if what they are doing is out of kindness or not, etc. The truth is people use masks to hide their true nature. Is that wrong or right?Take it for instance, when someone you don't know really well dies you exhibit your sad face. But isn't it only that you are shocked that someone so young, maybe your age, died?Sometimes I feel really bad because I don't particularly miss people. I only need to KNOW (and not regularly) that my parents and closest friends are well. I don't need to see them. I'm actually kind of confused whether I'm independent or unemotional. I could't care less if I never get to see my school partners or people I used to date. Not to mention I always dated only out of curiosity.I don't believe we are born with kindness. When we're born, all we have are basic surviving instincts, selfish instincts, I guess. Our innate traits are greed, gluttony, the wish to possess,etc.On the other hand, I try to put away this thoughts and as a result I live for a while in my own little fantasy world that doesn't exist in the harsh reality. And sometimes, when my little bubble is broken, I become once again desperate.Society has created a social norm, but it doesn't always fit. Face it, if we are all nice to each other, most of us will go insane wondering what everyone else really thought of us. At times, it's easier just to say it. I would like NOT to be the person who always smiles and encourages everyone when I can't believe it myself. I feel like a hypocrite. I help other people when I can't help myself. That feels wrong, so wrong.And I would love to believe our entire existence is based on love. ( There you have the word that connects to this site).Is it wrong that I always smile and try to inflict upon others the bright things of the world? Should my personality reflect my interior thoughts? If so how can I change?I'm afraid of corrupting people by sharing my thoughts. But to find love one needs to show herself to the significant other.I'm sorry for my long and confusing text written in poor english.Thank you very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): I think everyone puts on a front, to some extent. I believe people should be honest with each other and not feel they have to pretend to be who they are not. On the other hand, there is such a thing as being too honest and some people don't seem to have the self restraint to keep hurtful opinions to themseleves. I think you need a healthy balance. I think most people have met someone they couldn't stand at some point in there life (i know i have) and have also thought to themselves that said person deserves a slap etc... but that doesn't mean you go and slap them.
I used to worry about what people were thinking about me, did they like me, did i fit it? Now, these past few years i'm not so bothered and just try and be myself.
A
female
reader, Velour +, writes (18 September 2010):
Thank you for your answer q1605. I've been thinkin in what you've said before.
"...kindness and empathy are things generated from within."
And I've come to some "conclusions".
Kindness is something that everyone has to make with their own hands. Therefore it's easily misunderstood or thought of as hypocrisy.
It's like the mind that grows inside oneself. It's a conscience. But it's up to us to nurture that kindness in our hearts.
In fact I would rather be someone who brights the world of other people than someone who just selfishly thinks too deep and only concerns herself with her dark thoughs.
Maybe when I'm helping other people I am, simultaneously, helping myself by saying out loud the words that in my head wouldn't make sense.
Anyone can doubt easily. I'm going to try to be a person who believes. That will certainly become an encouragement for someone. And that's the way to think right?
Hopefully I will accomplish my objective. That is to hear my optimistic side rather than my dark side (which has been pestering me since long ago).
I'm leaving "my little bubble" into the harsh reality, yes. This time it will not break. I will break it myself.
"...the man and the wolf did not go the same way together, but were in continual and deadly enmity. One existed simply and solely to harm the other, and when there are two in one blood and in one soul who are at deadly enmity, then life fares ill. Well, to each his lot, and none is light." - H.Hesse
Thank you very much for your answer.
(It was me, Velour, who wrote this post)
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A
female
reader, Velour +, writes (14 September 2010):
For Jmtmj my questions are:
"The truth is people use masks to hide their true nature. Is that wrong or right?"
"Is it wrong that I always smile and try to inflict upon others the bright things of the world? Should my personality reflect my interior thoughts? If so how can I change?"
"But to find love one needs to show herself to the significant other." Right? And thats what I'm looking for.
Thank you for yous answer janniepeg :) that's what I always try to do.
I'm glad to hear your answer q1605. I don't think I'm a sociopath.. I just think too much when I'm alone. And I like to be alone most of the time.. being that good or bad.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Be nice and smile anyway. Smiles are contagious. Fake it until you make it! When you receive a birthday card from an aunt you don't see very often, do you feel happy, or do you wonder what the point is her doing that?
I asked this question before and some of the responses I got were negative. Someone in bad mood told me "if the world is so sad, why don't you go jump off the cliff?"
It's good to ask questions like these. It makes you a free thinker. It's true we can be selfish. It's when we focus outside of ourselves, give without expecting anything in return, that we become truly happy.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 I understand where you're coming from but I'm a tad unsure what the actual question is... Could you elaborate?
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