A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a live in relationship for the past 2 years.He is a kind,loving man but I have major issues with his OCD and its driving me nuts.1)We are not allowed to have house parties because he doesn't want the place to get messy,so I suggested by our pool outside he said no because he doesn't want people other than two of us jumping into the pool and contaminating it..!..2)I left my shoes outside the other day he came into my room furious and he's like why can't I just keep it in the rack(which I do always just a few days when I'm extremely tired I leave it sometimes,cuz I forget)3)The other day I just kept his tie in a different drawer he has like 5 drawers full of ties so I shld put it one of them he started lecturing me on how if I don't know where to put it,I shldnt touch them..4)My nails should always be nicely polished(ok so I'm into beauty as well but sometimes from work ny nail polish comes off,which irks himm)5)Our house is soo spic and span which is a good thing but for one what is the big deal if I make tiny changes..How do you people handle ones with OCD?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I have OCD, my boyfriend has ADHD, our relationship is very rocky atm because of my OCD and his lack of patience for it amongst other things.
From my point of view, my OCD is about control. Controlling the bacteria & germs so our baby doesn't get contaminated. Things font have to be spotless, but I have to have control over it. If I don't have control
Over it I panic- big time. I worry about viruses & bacteria & our baby getting ill. I'm not in the slightest concerned with myself or partner getting ill. But the thought of my baby getting ill terrifies me & this is why I need to be able to control it. If he does something that in my mind risks contamination then I worry a lot. Infact I'd agree with him about the parties, there's so many places un the house for germs to spread and to be able to clean every inch of it would take hours and hours.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Outstanding answers so far!
Coping shouldn't be done just by you. Your boyfriend must also work towards a good and happy lifestyle. OCD is a disability, but many people don't consider it that because it's unseen. It's a disability that requires a different way of life.
If someone were wheelchair bound, you'd outfit the house to accommodate. If someone were sight impaired, you'd make changes. OCD also necessitates that changes in lifestyle are made as well. He's not being difficult or particular...he *needs* things to be a certain way. That's why the prospect of many people in his environment is beyond terrifying to him.
You both need to work together. SVC's answer is fantastic for some examples.
Just tell him that you will help him by doing things in a way that helps minimize his OCD, and he will help you cope by always being kind to you, following his doctor's and psychologist's medical and lifestyle regimen to help alleviate the OCD.
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (22 October 2012):
Hi thereI can very much appreciate that you feel frustrated at little things that mean nothing to you (such as shoes in the house etc). I feel the same as a close relative has severe OCD although the compulsion is different from cleaning. As much as it can feel like nothing to us, the orderliness of the house is something that makes him feel secure and when he gets angry or stressed that something has changed, its nothing to do with you - its the fact that part of his brain can't stand that something is not in order. I guess you just need to have a little patience with this as getting angry about it isn't going to change anything and will be detrimental to your relationship and keep communication open and see if there's anything you can compromise on. Totally understand the frustration though
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 October 2012):
 I've dated women who I, lightly, called "OCD"..... but none was as extreme as the guy you are with....
My Rx to him - or a woman like him - would be to put a few miles between us..... having wished him/her luck as I set out the door......
Good luck.....
P.S. For my parties, I wipe some of the dust off my furniture.... and sweep the cockroach (Ooops, PALMETTO BUG) bodies off my kitchen floor.... and get out lots of beer, and snacks and put on lots of GOOOOOOD oldies music.... and... who GIVES A DAMN about how untidy the place is the next morning??? Do you want an invite?????
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2012):
 My husband has OCD… and I have ADHD… NOT a good mix…
No pets they are messy… ok I can cope…
No plants they are messy.. ok I’ll get silk ones…
These things I can live with… as for parties… I would tell him we are having one… and I will handle the clean up and the prep… if you are that concerned we can have a professional crew come in after the party to clean to your satisfaction or YOU can do it. I figure we can have parties once or twice a year….
As for the pool…that’s what chlorine is for. It gets rid of the “contamination”
We bought a shoe place (a large flat tray with a lip) for our shoes downstairs. Prior to Mr. OCD I used to amass a pile of shoes in the front hall every week… now they go up the stairs and I have to change to my “house shoes” or slippers when I get home… I used to go barefoot but he can’t bear the thought of bare feet except in the shower or bed…. So I had to learn to wear slippers for him.
As for his clothes… OY… I do the laundry… I will put away his drawer things… but I refuse to hang his clothes up that he likes hung (all his shirts including his tee-shirts) and his pants… I never get them “just right”… so we compromised. I do the laundry.. and then I put away the drawer things if he doesn’t like them he can adjust them. I sort his clothes into piles, jeans, work slacks, tee shirts and golf shirts (work shirts) and then he can put them away to his OCD satisfaction. So don’t clean up his stuff… (and why are ties in a drawer, they should be hung up anyway)
As for nails… we have this issue with my hair… my nails I get acrylics and the polish does NOT chip for two weeks… my hair.. he likes it stick straight.. I have treatments for it to help but towards the end of the six months if I don’t flat iron it he’s commenting on my hair being a mess… and I just laugh and say… yes yes it is… deal with it.
Our house is fairly clean too.. and I’m the one that keeps it that way… he loves clean but he’s allergic to cleaning products. (seriously I’ve seen him break out and hack and cough from sprays and stuff)… so what kind of tiny changes are you talking about…
IF he knows he’s OCD is he seeking treatment? There are medications and therapies that can help now..
WE joke about it… but it’s a lousy thing to have to deal with… my son is a collector and a worrier… I feel your pain… have you asked him how he needs you to help him cope? Does he know he has OCD?
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