A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question is to all those going through divorce or separation. How do you mend a broken heart??I love my husband bvery much. We have been together for six years. Just last year we got married, and now living separately which eventually will be divorce. We moved because of his job, I left everything behind including my family. He was working and started an emotional affair with his co-worker. He would be coming home, being different which then caused us to fight. Seemed like he wanted to storm out of the house to see her, finding excuses why he's running late from work. Became verbally and physically abusive. All my bests became worsts in his eyes. He denied what was going on between them, but ive seen her drop him off, send him texts and he would delete them, she sent him emails describing how she misses him when he's not around her. I brought that up and we just fought, he denied and tarted to threaten with divorce. Demanding me to move out or he would. So I moved. It was hard for me, because I wanted this marriage to work but I cant force him to be with me. He became totally different, from I love you to I hate you,and we've been together for many years. Ive been doing okay, keeping myself occupied ever since I left him and moved. Sometimes, it gets hard and that's when all the flashbacks come to me and make me just sad because I really feel betrayed and hurt. It's like so many years invested and this is what happened. Comments, advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): My husband and I have been together for twenty six years this coming February.We have five children together age from 24 to 6 years. we got married two years ago.The children and I moved around quite often due to my employer and my husband stayed state side while we travel. Five years ago he decided to move on with his life and forgot to inform me. when he came to hawaii in september 2006 we got married while stationed there, Not knowing that he had a girlfriend and she was six months pregnant with his child. he would come and visit every six months and I did not suspect a thing that he has been cheating on me.December 26, 2006 his girlfriend gave birth to their daughter. I did not find out about this October 2008 when I came home on emergency leave from my deployment. I found out two days before I return to my deployment. While I was deployed my husband not once wrote me or send me a care package. Once I returned all of a sudden he started e-mailing me letting me howm much he love me and it was a mistake. she got pregnant by accident. Neither to say I came home on from my deployment on 31 December 2008. My husband was there to greet me with open arms. a few days after my return home things was not adding up what he meantioned on the e-mail and his action was not the same. I decided to take his phone. I scanned his text messaging just to find out that he had just text her telling her how much he loves her and he will always love her. This took place fifteen minutes before my plane landed. I decided to text her back letting her think that he was the one texting her just to find out that he was lying to me all this time that their realation had not ended. this pass monday he called me to tell me that he does not love me, he fell out of love for me and the only reason he married me was for my benifits. I found her address after doing my own investigation and I showed up at her house telling her to leave my husband alone. he said that he has more to loose by he leaving me but he is willing to loose every thing just to be with her and his daughter. I said what about me and your five children, his response was they will be taken care of and he wants me to give him his space. He needs time to get over what he is going thru. I told him that I am not waiting around for him to get over her. He then stated that she was there when he needed someone to comfort him and she has been there for him all this time while I was parading around the world with my career. He was lonely and needed someone and she was there. Right before I deployed i confronted this man how I feel about him my love and he used my weaknest agains me. I am forty five years old, I been with this man since I was eighteen years old. How do i get over this. I have prayed and prayed and loosing hope.Lonely, lost and alone
A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 First I just want to say that I'm sorry for your loss, but at the same time be happy that you didn't waste any more time of your life with him. I also have been heart broken by my husband of 4 years. He cheated on me I believe within the first year. His cheating got so bad that he has 3 children outside our marriage. One 18months, and one girl is pregnant with twins. YES, I WAS VERY HURT BY HIM LEAVING ME AND I THOUGHT WE LOVED EACH OTHER. AND I'M NOT GOING TO LIE OR TRY TO SUGAR COAT THE GRIEVING/MOURNING PROCESS IT HAS TOKEN ME CLOSE TO A YEAR TO FULLY GET OVER THE HURT MY HUSBAND CAUSED ME. Now I want a divorce, and to be honest with you he hasn't really even tried to mend/reconcile our marriage at all, which only displays that this marriage just isn't for us. And if you think about it, it's really not a bad thing. You can change neg into pos with the help to our Lord Jesus Christ. So you ask how can you get over a broken heart: Time and Jesus are the only thing that's really going to help you fully get over your broken heart. Take no offense if you're not a believer, but this is how I got over mine. I will pray for you and keep your head up. As time goes on you will get over him, and most likely by that time he'll want you back, but it'll be too late!
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A
female
reader, ready2bolt +, writes (22 August 2008):
I am so sorry. I have a friend going through the same thing (I am dealing with the threat of infidelity too) and I can tell you - even two months after my friend's no-good husband left (after she caught him red-handed) - she thought she would crumble. But she didn't - even she can see how she is doing so much better and falling out of love with him at last. This was after 18 years together!
This is so hard - we love these guys, make ourselves so open to them and this is how they treat us. I think they hate themselves for it at some level and that is why they are so mean to us - because seeing us reminds them of their worst failings. It's not your fault and obviously there was no way you could stay with someone who was physically abusive. You are already a survivor with good instincts so good for you!
Sounds like you are doing what you can, stay involved with what makes you happy, really reach out to your friends and make new ones. Do things differently and take chances you would normally be afraid to take. Think about what you may have left behind of yourself to be with him and try to find yourself again. Develop what you compromised of yourself to be in that union and try your hardest to see this as a time to blossom. The truth is, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You will overcome it - be patient with yourself!! You didn't ask for this and you didn't create the problem, it is a reflection on him and him alone.
Don't be afraid to work with a counselor too or find a support group - it can be more helpful than you can imagine. This is all about taking a tough situation and using it to become better and stronger than before.
All the best to you during this awful time -- this too shall pass!!!
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