A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do you stop feeling angry towards someone?I lent my ex some money when we were together, before anyone says how stupid, it was suppose to be for 2 weeks until some money came through, i believed him when he said it was definitely on its way, and i'm not even saying he did't. He got let down. If your with someone, surely you trust them?Anyway, we split some time after and he has paid half of it back. He still owes me 2 and a half grand. I have been through small claims and am currently putting a charge order on his property, which he is trying to sell, becase he has arrears on it and the mortgage company is trying to reposses.But I just know at some point his parents will bail him out, again, and he wont sell it and the charge order may well be on but by the time he sells his house in yrs to come, 2 and a half grand wont be worth anything!He does say he will try and pay it back before, but its not rocket science knowing that he probably wont. And yes, i am angry struggling to buy school uniforms and mot'ing cars when he has the last bit of savings i ever had, in his house. He wants to remain friends, but i cant do that, how can you be friends with someone you have resentment towards?How does someone move on and lose the anger and let that go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): By realizing that the problem belongs to the person who hurt you and does not belong with you. Stop thinking that you are such a nice person who does not deserve to get hurt because all nice people get hurt. Once you realize that the anger is then taken away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I can't wait until computer's have holograms, I'd send you a ciggie if I could. I'd love to help, but my mothers been in the same situation as you after lending somebody money that was never returned. Dash... it's not fair to be punished for kindness and under British laws is difficult to get back money if somebody is clever and refuses to pay. Contact your local citizens advice bureau, if that will help. They probably won't be usefull but they're the standard address for problems whose answers we cannot solve. Take care of you.
PS: The kids are alright, they need you well and happy and healthy and your love and devotion is worth a million holidays, christmas presents and childhood treats.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I am currently in the same situation where my ex boyfriend is stalling paying me back money I lent him because he was in a bit of a Jam. Although we have split and I am awaiting my flat to become available and the end of the month he is now taking his own sweet time about my money. I think men who think they can jerk women around especially when comes to money are worse than B*tches.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 The only way to lose your resentment and anger is to try your best to forgive him and move on.
Forgiveness will remove your resentment and anger and will allow you to look at this problem from another perspective.
It will also start healing your hurts and pains in your heart.
Do not trust anyone with your hard earned money even if they come to you with sob tales or get rich schemes.
A fool and his/her money will soon parted.
Once bitten twice shy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses. Its really helped, its good to vent at times isn't it! I could murder a ciggie now! but i wont! You are all very good ears!!!! And you dont realise how good you are being there!
Thank you loads. From lots of people that post questions on here, and dont tell you it, but think it!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Learn from this and dont make the same mistake again. Enforce the order and do everything you can to get your money back, its a lot of money. Dont stay friends he will only let you down again and find a bloke who can stand on his own two feet. You are worth so much more than this guy x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Sunset. I am currently enforcing it now, by putting in the charge order. I know he is overdrawn by 100 quid in his bank account, so that one is out of the question, and he is registered as off sick at the moment and claiming incapacity benefit (even though he does cash in hand building work) so getting anymore than about 3 quid a week would be out of the question there, i thought the charging order was probably the best course of action? because i know he is struggling now with his 1700 a month mortgage and he's been to court once last month when mortgage company wanted to reposses but the judge gave him a bit of time to find one months mortgage (he owes about 9 grand on it) But people tell me to hang on in there because he will get repossesed and the equity isn't too bad on the house. The 5 grand i lent him went towards improvements which added a fair bit on the value.
Because the judgement was ruled in my favour, i know the charge order will go on. But i dont think he cares about being black listed. And if his folks do bail him out again, i could be waiting yrs til that house sells!
Anyone reading this, please please please dont ever lend a boyfriend or girlfriend diddly squat!
Its not worth the grief.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 May 2008):
 I don't think I'm supposed to make financial or legal suggestions (not being a qualified financial adviser or solicitor, and this site isn't licensed for such things) but...
You have a small claims judgement against him? Enforce it. If it's obvious that he has some money then re-apply to the Court for reasonable regular payments, and send in the bailiffs if he doesn't make those payment. If he has money in his bank and you know his bank details, then you can apply for a garnishee order for the Court to extract the money directly from his bank account. If the Court are being difficult (they don't generally like doing garnishee orders) but you already have a judgement for the whole amount, then get one of the numerous debt collection agencies to try and get it - they don't actually charge very much at all (nearly always on a no-collect no-fee basis) and they are usually very effective. If you have judgement but haven't actually registered it, tell him you are going to do it - and that will damage his credit rating and quite possibly push the mortgage company he already has trouble with into further, more rapid action because the judgement will become public knowledge.
No one has any right to be going off on holiday to Mexico (or anywhere else) owing you money when you're struggling to make ends meet. He needs the legal equivalent of a hard slap (he needs more than that, but THAT wouldn't be legal!).
I would tell him how angry you are. I would tell him that you are going to take every possible legal step to extract that money from him, and you don't care how much it costs to do it because in the long run he'll be paying for every penny of it. Frighten him. He deserves it. And you might suddenly find that his parents do bail him out and you get all your money much sooner than you expected.
It sounds to me like he's just taking the ****. Get tough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't lend anyone a penny again ever Angelheart. You shouldn't either! I never have before and never will again. I dont know what i was thinking, and certainly wouldnt of done if i hadn't believed it was only going to be for 2 weeks. It was worse beofre because 1300 of it was an overdraft i took out for him and the interest each month was over 70 quid! And thankfully he has paid that back. But it does grate my cheese that even though the charge order will be in place and eventually he will have to pay it back, by then, in a few years time, the amount i get back, will be worth nothing in todays money.
I'm probably more angry with myself if i think about it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes my dad has always had that saying himself!
Just riles me because ive given up smoking to be able to afford to live now, bringing up kids isn't cheap these days what with the credit crunch, yet he is drinking, buying himself household goods and apparently off to Mexico for 2 weeks holiday next week that, granted, his cousin has paid for, but spending money and loss of 2 weeks cash in hand wages he normally gets, has to amount to a grand surely!
But you're right, how can i be friends with someone thats let me down. He doesn't understand that because ive always been able to stay mates with exes. The relationship was over in jan, i ended it, and we stayed friends because our kids got on, but i struggle with that and wish i didn't! For my daughters sake really. She misses his daughter loads.
I would just love my money back and never hear from him or see him again.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 May 2008):
You don't stop feeling angry. You try to deal with the anger and, above all, don't let it take over your life.
Try to separate it in your head from the relationship that went wrong. It was a bad investment - like you bought shares and the stockmarket crashed unexpectedly or, worse, you bet on a horse that everyone said would definitely win and then it fell at the first fence. The anger remains, whether it's anger at your own mistake or anger at someone else. But, like your situation, there's not very much you can do about it now.
If it were me, I wouldn't be "staying friends". That doesn't mean you can't be civilised, rational and reasonable, but being friends is, I would suggest, one step too close for anyone who has let you down that badly.
What was it William Shakespeare wrote? Something like "Never a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend..."
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female
reader, angelrockheart +, writes (30 May 2008):
I know how you feel in this situation- my current partner owes me 45 pounds - my mother is having the same problem with her partnner- I know it is not the same- but you get my drift. The anger is very difficult in this situation as I am experiancing right now. I believe that if your ex is making excuses to pay the money and your having finnancial difficulties then , after he has paid the money back , only lend him money if he can pay you back ( is in a stable financial state ) I am sorry if you find this answera waste of time - I am 15 and I do not knwo much about the world of finance - hope you find this useful x
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female
reader, angelrockheart +, writes (30 May 2008):
I know how you feel with this one - my current boyfriend owes me 45 pounds- my mother has the same problem with her partner- debts can ruin relationships so once you have this money back refuse to lend him any more money unless he is in a very stable condition ( money - wise ) this is a very difficult situartion as I am quite angry with my partner at the moment and we have a lot of issues in our relationship ( caused by him - violence and cheating) but enough about me - I think that the anger is uncurable and very hard to get rid of - I believe that as you are having financial problems , if he doesnt pay up soon , try to keep calm but seek advice from some one professional - I am sorry I cannot provide an example , but I am only 15 so I am not really experianced with these things - sorry if you find this a waste of time x
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