A
male
age
41-50,
*oyalson
writes:My GF and I broke up three months ago. We were really close and she really wanted to be my friend but I ruined everything and now she will never talk to me again. For real. I ruined things that bad. I have never, ever wanted to be able to pick up the phone and make sure somebody is ok like this. Never loved somebody like this. Not even romantic love. Human love. I care about her soooo much. I didn't mean to ruin it. I just couldn't deal with what was happening. It is hard for me to comprehend that I will never, ever see her agin. How do you get over it when you love somebody like that and they have cut you out forever? It is unberable. She is out there. Living and breathing right now. She doesn't want me in her life at all. It hurts sooo bad. It makes me never want to get close with somebody again. I can't be that close with somebody and lose them forever. How do people do it? Lose not only your gf but your friend forever? It's killing me.
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male
reader, royalson +, writes (19 May 2009):
royalson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHa! Writing letters and emails was the whole problem. Like FIFTY. It's def. dead and buried. This is not worth it at all. You never get over it? Wow. I thought it would be like that anyway. This is the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. Harder than death. I can never be close with somebody again and than lose them forever. This is no way to live.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): ughhh .... I have been there. It is gut-wrenching. I'm marginally catholic, so I have a rosary - for months I tried to stay as busy as possible during the day (never having moments where I was alone w/ my thoughts -- pouring myself into my work helped), and at night, I slept with the rosary. Two benadryl, and clutching those little beads, chanting to myself. That's how i went to sleep, and that's how I woke up.
It doesn't have to be a rosary, and I don't think you need to be religious for the same principle to apply. The point of it that (still) is helpful is the roteness of it. Find a principle you can focus on -- something simple -- that you can repeat, over and over. A mantra, if you will. Having an object to associate it with helps me, but during the day, when I'm at work and at risk of breaking down in tears, even w/o the object, I can recite the mantra in my head, and it focuses my attention to keep me from breaking down.
I don't know if you ever really let it go or get over that kind of pain. Eventually, you just learn to live with it. And then, one day, you realize you made it all the way to the shower that morning before the gut-wrenching agony of your situation flooded back to you. So you steal the moments that you can, and take them for what they're worth. And you try to hide the crazy from most people, so they don't think you're nuts. (But be sure to open up to a few close friends, so you're not completely alone, either.)
I don't know if that's helpful. I always like practical advice. Find an object you can clutch and a mantra you can repeat, to focus your thoughts.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Try to be her friend again. Tell her you're sorry over how you acted and you are ready to just be friends if thats what she needs. Trust me im going through something similar and I've just lost my best friend over a break up also. I know it hurts extremely bad.
Im not sure what you did to her. Apologize though. Trust me she;s hurting also. I know I am. Good Luck. Dont give up on love either. You will find someone even if its not her. Write her a letter or something Be Creative
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