A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. i've got a 6month old little girl and would like more children.. I'd like them close in age, however Im in two minds about whether im ready or not. How do you know when the time is right? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Well quite simply when you no longer have any doubts, that is when the time is right. At the moment you say you are in 2 minds, which means it is not the right time. But when you feel ready and when there are no more doubts, then that is the right time.
Having 2 young kids is very tough, so you are right to want to wait a bit longer I think. Having them close in age is nice for them, but for you in the first few years of the second child's life it will be a nightmare. Having one newborn and then a toddler who is learning to walk, talk....etc and you having to run around after her? Can you imagine how much hard work that will be?
In my opinion the ideal age difference between siblings is 3 years, because they are still close enough in age to be good friends when they are older, yet it gives you as parents a bit of time to breathe while child number 1 grows up.
Plus when you have a young toddler and then introduce a new baby, the jealousy is a big problem. A friend of mine has 2 kids, her little girl was only 8 months when she got pregnant again, so there is a 17 month gap between the two (1yr and 5 months). She wanted to breast feed her second child but the eldest child was so incredibly jealous of her new brother that she would have tantrums any time that the baby was fed because she didnt want mummy that close to the new baby. It became that traumatic for mum and the 2 kids that she had to stop breast feeding and bottle feed.
Now the youngest child has just turned 1, and the eldest child is nearly 2 and a half, she is really struggling to cope with both kids. One is learning to walk and talk, the other is running around and is very demanding, it is too hard for her to cope alone with 2 small children. She loves coming to work simply to get away from them and let the nursery deal with it for a change! She has a husband but he works in a high pressured job so he is not around during the day to help out.
I guess it all depends on your situation - how are you coping with your first child? Do you have a partner around during the day to help? Or family you live with who help you out? Are you going to school/college/university still? Do you work? How is your financial situation? Can you afford another child?
2 young children is a massive undertaking and you have to be very prepared for a few years of stress, extreme tiredness and a lot of hard work. If you are in a good situation for that and think the extra effort will be worth it, then go ahead. But if your situation is not quite ideal at the moment and you are not sure if you are ready to have 2 small children creating havoc, then maybe wait another year or so. Even having 2 years between them is no bad thing, I have plenty of friends with 2 years between them and their siblings, and they are incredibly close. So if your little girl was 6 months now and you wanted 2 years age gap, then you should start trying in about 6-9 months time.
That sounds like it might be the right amount of time for you, it will give you some more quality time with your daughter and you will get to really enjoy all the exciting things like her first steps, first words...etc without having morning sickness and all the stressses of pregnancy thrown in. Plus waiting another 6 months isnt too long either, and you will have a summer baby which will be nice (it will mean the 2 children's birthday's are spread out, because if your little girl is 6 months that means she was born around January?)
I hope this helps and good luck!
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