A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, How do you know if your're fighting for love or just plain fooling your self.I split from my bf 8 months ago and we have not spoken since. We we were together 2 years, he was the first guy i loved, i freaked because of the break up.so scared of losing him, became jealous and needy, often through temper tantrums. This way if he didnt constantly reassure me.In the end he cheated on me confessed , we split.I tried to forget him, hate him, even, but i havent been able. Iv moved house, Made new friends, löst 3 stone but i cant move on. Iv tried to meet another guy but it never feels right. I've text him twice in the last 3 months once to tell him about a Promotion i got at work. i had been workin towards it while we wer together, he congradulated me and i text him when i heard about some personal problems he was havin, he tanked me for my concern. I have seen him around town but i will always avoid him , It always affects me alot wen i c him butterflies the lot no One has this affect me. I met a mutual friend of ours recently she said she spoke to him a day before and he was askin where i lived as he wanted to return something to me, i have nt heard from him. Im nt sure if meetin him in person is good idea, im so scared of goin back to the the needy, jealous person i was wen we wer together, but i cant stop thinkin about him. What do i do ?
View related questions:
at work, cheated on me, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 You are over and done. It's time for you to accept this and stop holding on to hope that he's coming back. He's not.
He's polite to you when you contact him because that's what grownups do, they are polite and friendly to folks even if they don't want to be a couple with them.
You can't be FRIENDS with ex partners. I don't care what others say. FRIENDLY yes.. CIVIL yes but FRIENDS in the true sense of the word... NO.
so he says he has something of yours to return... curiosity will drive you wild so either contact him and get it or forget about it and move on.
Best thing to do is delete his info and go no contact.... time is the only thing that heals.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): You need to have no contact with him for however long it takes for you to stop obsessing about him. Even after the break up you still contacted him. You're still feeding that neediness tendency. He doesn't want to be with you anymore so you need to erase him completely from your life.
This isn't fighting for love. You never loved him you only needed him for your own emotional comfort. He doesn't love you because he always knew you were just clinging to him to avoid an empty feeling and you didn't actually feel as concerned for him as you wanted him to be for you. That's how clingliness usually is. Its self centered but relentlessly requires all kinds of things from the other person. So there is no love to fight for here. Except the love you need to develop for yourself so you're not so needy in your relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 Sounds like your not over him and still have feelings.
If it didnt work out the first time, chances are it will fail the second time.
You need time, distance, space apart (with no contact) to heal from him.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 You are broken up. When you see him he is just somebody you used to know returning your stuff. He has no power over you, making you want to go back to him. He can't make you feel anything. There is no point fighting for a man who hurt you so much. Losing 30 stones is serious. The level of anxiety of seeing him again suggests a sort of post traumatic stress. If it's possible let your mutual friend pick it up on your behalf. It's easier for you to move on when you tell yourself you should only be with someone who makes you happy and secure, and that there are plenty of fish in the sea. More helpful is to find out your source of your insecurity. When you constantly ask for reassurance it is tiresome for your partner. You have to believe in yourself and tell yourself you are worthy of love. He is over you, so you are really fooling yourself by hanging onto him. You may think that because you want the relationship back then it means he wants the same thing too, but this is not the case. You have to accept it is over, have closure. I believe he gave you closure.
...............................
|
