A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you know if your husband is gay? we have recently got back together, but when we split up alot of people has asked me was there any chance he was gay, i have heard that gay guys had approach him in the past. The time we broke up i asked him and he was very defensive and annoyed. I have this gut feeling, that i keep to the back of my mind that there is a possibility he is gay. We dont have sex that much. Is there signs i need to look out for? He is an only child and really wants a family, sometimes i feel he just wants this to cover up who he really is.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jamiej  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 What makes you think that your husband might be gay, other than the fact that other ppl have said gay guys have approached him, you don't have sex as often as you'd like, and he got upset/defensive when you questioned his sexuality?
Honestly, just because gay guys have approached him, doesn't mean he is gay - had he approached gay guys then I might be giving you a different answer. And if he knows ppl are talking about his sexuality, and then you asked him, he might have just been feeling really fed up hence him being defensive.
If you're not having sex often enough, discuss this side of your concerns with him in a non judgemental, open way
Gut instincts are often right, but at the moment you have no evidence or proof your husband is gay.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): I think you need a little more 'evidence' than that but gut instinct is often amazingly accurate in the end. See if you can research what clues to look out for and, without creating suspiscion, keep a close eye on him and his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): My advice to you is to go with your gut! I have had a horrible life not one you could imagine. But the one thing I did think was the solid in my life was my husband. Then one day to my shocking suprise I found e-mails to another man, they sent nude pics of each other back and forth, and actually spent nights together. He looks at an awful lot of porn (girls) but I believe what my gut tells me and that is he swings both ways. 6 weeks ago he walked up to me handed me his wedding ring after 25 years and I haven't seen him since. The only thing that helps me deal with this, is the fact that he had relations with a man. It disgusted me, and not to mention put me in danger. Girl the only thing I can say, is be careful, and be open to the fact that he just might swing both ways. Then you have to decide what to do. If he is getting defensive chances are he has something going on with men. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Please don't wait to find out be persistent or you could end up like me. He has AIDS after 22 years of marriage I feel really stupid.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi,
true often gay men will pretend they are straight in order to get community acceptance etc. These turn into very destructive people as they live their life as a lie and more often than not take huge risks to satisfy their sexual urges.
Without getting into superficial stereotypes ( which I inevitably will ) there are certain telltale signs.
Does he find other woman attractive? Most guys cant help but have a sneaky peek at an attractive woman. My wife says you can always tell by this.
As tacky as it may sound, but music is a classic giveaway. I've never met a gay guy who likes hard rocking tunes.
Other giveaways are obsessive neatness, clothing which is meticulously chosen. But I'm getting back to sterotypes here. At the end of the day only you can really tell, a lot of gay guys have sex with their wives to produce children - they manage it somehow. If your friends think he's gay and you have your suspicions I think chances are he is. You now have to decide whether you want to be married to a gay man. You are entitled to an answer from him, a defensive answer to the question is not what you are looking for - that is very worrying.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Only time will tell. Check his computer internet history every now and then and see if there are any gay sites that pop up. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it right now.
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