A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so in love with the most beautiful man I have ever met. He makes my heart sing and I am the happiest person alive.I am so scared though that this will not last and am having serious doubts about comitting in case it doesn't work.We get on well, we laugh, we talk, we fancy each other, have great sex..... I'm just so worried as there is a lot at stake if it doesn't work.Is there a way you can really tell if it's going to work after a relatively short time?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Oh so you have gotten to the let's get married stage....well infatuation can come and go, so there is no clear cut answer to how long can it last. There are about 5 stages to love and you can move from one to another and back again, sometimes you will feel connected and other times you won't.
There are no guarantees in life, but what I know for sure is that love is a decision we make to be worthy of love. It is not about how we feel about the other person, but how that person feels about us....we have to learn what each other's needs are and try to take care of those the best that we can, putting the other, the "one" above all else....Love is action, it is a verb and it takes one very important thing to last and that is commitment on both your parts. As long as you actually work at your relationshp to keep it going, it will last...it shouldn't be all hard work and that is where I am the happiest person alive comes in, this man is making you happy and you are basking in his glow, just don't expect him to keep up this level of intensity forever or all of the time or he will get overwhelmed.....be who you are but inside the relationship, surrender to love.
A
male
reader, sky77  +, writes (17 January 2009):
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. That’s what life is all about. We are all gamblers hoping for a winning hand. But in the end there are no guarantees that the amount of effort we invest should yield us a certain gain. Anything and everything worth keeping requires commitment and hard work. You both have to be committed and be dedicated to keep the relationship successful, and even then you can still wind up being a statistic. Ask yourself what is it about him that you are so enamored by. If it’s just physical then you have good reason to second-guess your feelings. But if you enjoy his presence and being in his company unlike any other person you’ve known, because of the person that he is then you may have somebody worth keeping. Human emotions are such a mystery, most of all to oneself, that you really must take time to truly decipher its meaning. Whenever you find yourself becoming enraptured by him, take a breather and collect your thoughts, and be analytical of the events that have led you to this situation. Infatuation is not love, but love is infatuation. You like all of us have a tug of war raging between your brain and your heart. Perhaps you have been hurt before and your brain is being defensive or perhaps subconsciously your brain may have picked up something you are not cognizant of. Carefully listen and evaluate your inner voice. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): There is no determinate amount of time for infatuation. Some 6 months, some 1 year, some 30 years...my point is you do not know. Could it be the first stage, yeah probably, will it wear off...maybe, odds are it will.
But the mistake that is so often made is that people do not have lasting relationships based on butterflies. It takes work, communication and all those things we have heard. The statistic break up is because we do not work at it. I had it put best to me this way, if we play a sport we practice to be better, if we have a job we stay late or go to school to be better for the job, if we are in school we do homework and study to be better, if we scuba dive we have to be certified, take classes and practice to get better, but in relationships we just expect it to work out perfect without any work.
So will it last, well that is up to you and the amount of work and communication you and your partner put into it. Sounds like a great foundation, a year committed relationship and 5 years knowing one another. Do not be so afraid of getting hurt that you cannot experience the pleasure. Once you close off that way you will never get to feel the other. It is a calculated risk we take, and sure, you might get hurt, but that is the territory.
Oh, and I do not believe there is such a thing as "the one"...there are many "ones" out there for us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I'm the original poster
A year and he wants to move in together and get married.... I know I love him but just would love to know if this will wear off and it will just be another statistic break up in the future. Scared to give it my all to have it crash down around me. We've know each other 5 years, together a year.
How long does infactuation last??
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): No, not really....what you are describing is the first stage it is infatuation.....you are really in love with the "idea" of him, it is best to slow down, breathe, and get to know him first.
Unless he has asked you for some committment, you still may want to continue to date others, not have sex, but date so that you are not so needy and clingy and worried about this one guy.
How long have you two been dating?
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