A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid...i would like to know how a woman knows a guy will leave you after you give him sex? Im in high school and as you all assume, guys are all after that. But in the world of "highschool", a guy will only wait for a girl for about 4-5 months. If he sees he's not gonna get sex anytime soon, he'll dump her. Me and my bf have been together for 10 months. He seems so different, he's never disrespected me, and he shows his love for me alot. But it seems like he's sexually fustrated and i wonder that whenever i do give it up to him, he'll treat me differently. Any tips guys or girls?? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Guys are not "all just after that". It's not true in high school and it's not true at any other age either. Guys make a big deal out of it because it IS a big deal, but that's true at any age too.
4 or 5 or 10 months is not what I would call "using you for sex and then leaving". Not if he is involved in a steady relationship and talking to you and doing nonsexual things with you, etc.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 July 2011):
 The terminology you used "just give it up to him" shows that your heart and mind is not in it.
Never have sex with a guy just to keep him around. EVER.
If he has been around and wants to be with you, but seems upset that you have not been sexual yet or makes comments such as "you do not put out" or hints that he has been waiting a long time...then I would question his motives to stick around.
If he is turned on with affection, kisses, etc and knows that you are not going to be sexual..well thats normal.
You can talk to him about your feelings and see what he has to say about it. You are not ready. You would regret and resent being sexual with someone if that is all they wanted.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (15 July 2011):
Well the best way to tell is to wait and see if the guy will stay around longer than most would with no promise of sex and no date/timeline given.
Other ways to tell could be how often he mentions it/ brings it up in conversation - hinting at it basically. Or how often when making out etc, he tries to go further (e.g if you stopped him the day before, it would be a bit odd to try again a few days later type of thing). Although these two reasons aren't a definite sign for teenage boys who are very hormonal and inexperienced. Getting noticably angry or frustrated when you say no and trying to make you feel guilty is another good sign. Although in all honesty you can never tell for 100% sure, you just have to weigh up the probability based on his behaviour.
In your case it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is just after sex. Still if you're not ready then that doesn't mean you have to do it just because he's frustrated, I think you'll regret it if you do it purely for that reason and not because the idea really appeals to you too. Also no if he is a decent guy he shouldn't treat you any differently but obviously he will expect sex from you from then on.
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