A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi to anyone who can help me figure this out. Male agony "uncles", your views are wanted the most. What I wonder is, when do you know if a guy actually likes you, or if he's just after sex? I have this kinda complecated "thing" with a friend of mine. Two years ago, he started flirting with me, but I rejected him at first, because this was all new to me..Then when i had finally mustered up enough courage to show interest back, that's when things started to become frustrating. He repetedly stayed over, and we had sex a couple times, but there was never a real relationship going on. He had one night stands with other girls too, I'm pretty sure anyway. I saw him make out with others, and so did I. The problem with this whole arrangement was that I had real feelings for him, and still do. I have no idea what I am to him. When he both moved away to attend different universities, I confronted him about it. I asked if he thought we could make it as a couple, but he didn't see the point, as he couldn't handle distance...or so he said. Now more than six months later we met at a party, and when everyone had left, he sent me a text saying we were both acting like strangers and so on. I agreed and it ended with us having sex again. I know, poor judgement on my part, I and feel quite pathetic about still being into him..I don't regret it though.I mean, why does he still show interest in me? After this long. If he only wants sex, why not find someone else..I'm not pretty, I'm overweight, not particularly out going, and we don't have much in common. And after all, we have only really slept together four times.
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 March 2013):
Why is he interested in you? You have a vagina and you're not afraid to use it.
When a guy is interested in more than sex he will give you more than sex. He'll take you out on dates and try to get to know you. He'll want to spend not sexual time with you. Etc.
BTW your physical appearance is probably not an issue with him. Men aren't always as picky as most women think. Some men love "BBW's".
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 He's obviously a turd. You've been sleeping with him because you have feelings for him and you hope that he too will reciprocate your feelings. But he's a man-slut and just wants to sleep around. He is obviously not a man of character and integrity and is just using you. Do you want to keep hurting yourself for a man-slut? Stop taking his calls. Do become a stranger. Save yourself from further humiliation. All the best, girl.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 March 2013):
Very easy. If he will wait for months until you say yes, then he really likes you. Most players give up after the 3rd date - simply not worth the time and money when so many others will give it up prior to the third date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): I'm male OP and I'm going to say it straight, please don't be offended.
"I mean, why does he still show interest in me?"
Because you're easy, for him anyway and you give sex at the drop of a hat to him.
One text about being strangers and you rip off your knickers? Can't get any easier than that OP.
How do you tell if a guy only wants sex? When he refuses a relationship with you for any reason at all yet still sleeps with you. Just like this guy is doing.
Why not find someone else? Who says he hasn't? Who says he doesn't have a girlfriend, someone he's dating or just likes to sleep with lots of women?
OP your biggest mistake here is wanting something and not ensuring he can give you that before you slept with him and grew feelings for him. Your next biggest mistake is knowing he doesn't want you in that way but still giving him sex. You're too easy OP, you ignored all your own needs and desires and just opened your legs. He only has to send you a text and bam, you're on your back hoping this time your vagina will magically make him want you.
OP when I've made it clear to a woman I don't want a relationship and she still sleeps with me, do you think I'm not going to sleep with her? Of course I am, and I'd be fine to too, it's up to her to protect her feelings not me. I made it clear where we stand and if she's still willing to rip her knickers off then I'll be more than happy to stick it in.
Next time OP, don't screw around with a guy you have feelings for. If he won't date you, start seeing you then he can fuck off. You need to stop sleeping with this guy and forget about him too, he's a guy and he will definitely be boasting about how easy it is to bed you and getting high fives from everyone and you may end up having one or two of his friends try it on with you to get some of the action. Not a great reputation to have OP.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Don't feel pathetic about having real feelings for him. It's normal to develop feelings and attachments with someone after sleeping with them, particularly for women (I am generalising).
If he liked you for more than sex, he would make sure that you are his girfriend. He would tell you that you are his girlfriend. I know it's complicated by the distance now, but before he moved away I think he would have made it official if he was interested in having a proper relationship with him.
Why doesn't he find someone else? Well, he doesn't need to because you are available to him. He doesn't need to make any effort. Just a few texts.
"I'm not pretty, I'm overweight, not particularly out going" - stop that! There will be a guy out there who would love to have a proper relationship with you.
While you are still tied to your friend (emotional and physical ties), you are not really available to the nice guys out there.
So I think it's best to put this guy behind you and move on. If he asks, explain that you are developing feelings and don't want to get hurt.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 March 2013):
 'What am I to him?' You are his FWB - that means Friends With Benefits. So you were already 'friends', and he gets 'benefits' from you in the form of sex.
How do you know if a guy likes you, or just wants sex? Well if he genuinely likes you and wants a relationship with you, then he will take you out on dates, he will text you and call you - overall you will feel like he is pursuing you and is excited to see you again. He wont see you at a party, get drunk and end up in bed with you - he will make plans to take you out and do fun stuff together, he will eventually want to meet your friends and family, he will talk about the future....it will be quite clear when a guy is interested in you.
So how do you know if he just wants sex? Because he will simply just have sex with you and not take you out on dates. Like what you have with your 'friend'. You never went out together, he just 'stayed over' at your house. That is a MASSIVE indicator that says he only wants one thing - if he only ever comes over to your house and doesnt want to go out in public with you then he is only after 1 thing.
If you like a guy, NEVER have sex with him early on in the relationship. If he doesnt take you out on dates and doesnt pursue you, then dont let him into your knickers with the hope that by having sex with you he will fall in love with you. IT HAS THE OPPOSITE EFFECT. As soon as you sleep with a guy, he knows you are an easy lay, and then you can never be anything more to him. The kind of girl a man wants a relationship with is a classy girl who makes him wait for sex, someone with morals and plays a tiny bit hard to get. That is the kind of girl he can take home to meet mum, not some easy girl that lets him sleep over whenever he wants and gives him sex each time she sees him. That is NOT classy, that is not a sign that the girl has morals and is NOT the kind of girl you have a long term relationship with.
Lesson to be learnt - stop having casual sex! If you like a guy, DO NOT under any circumstances have sex with him unless you are certain you are in a relationship i.e. he has asked you to be his girlfriend.
And move on from this guy - he is using you for his FWB and I dont think you even recognise you are being used! He is a jerk, a player that only wants one thing and he definitely has no feelings for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Sorry to inform you, but he is just playing you, every time he see's you he does not thing 'oh i really do like her' he thinks 'i can potentially have sex with her tonight'. Chip him off.You can tell if a guy likes you but keeping the cookie in the cookie jar. Have a rule that unless your in a relationship with a person, you can only have sex. BUT, you must be 3 months in to that relationship or longer to do so.Watch the film, think like a man. You will learn a lot.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Sadly OP you are nothing to him but an easy lay...he does not have to have a relationship with you to have sex.
He likes you well enough to have sex with you and see you when it's easy and convenient. He does not like you enough to make an effort and have a real relationship with you.
YOU have feelings for him and have sex with him because you want more... he likes you enough but has sex with you because he can.
My husband summed it up best for me when we first started out and said "what single guy in his right mind would turn down FREE NSA sex?"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Well, in YOUR case.. He is just using your for sex. He uses the "feelings" he knows you have for him to rope you back in for more sex.
I think it's pretty obvious, that if a guy genuinely care he WANTS to spend time with you and not just horizontally. If he just wants sex, he will use you as a booty call. Just like your guy did. HE didn't talk to you til AFTER everyone had left.. Which means he didn't score with any other girls so YOU made do for the night. You are convenient.
You need to stop having sex with him. You are emotionally invested in this, he is not.
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