A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've divorced my husband after 20 years of marriage. There is no sex in the last year as he has lost his libido and do nothing to put it right. Then I've met this older man gives me the love and sex I've been craving for. Three years on I've lost my sex drive and feel bad when we have sex. I just dont want it while my man still enjoy it. I dont find him attract to me as much as before. I still enjoy his company but not sexually attracted to him. I just dont know how to keep a relationship without sex. Please help.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 It's easy to keep a relationship without sex when both partners have no desire of sex. This is not your case. For a start what you can do is think of your former relationship and how this was affected by your ex's low libido. Maybe that experience can be of a little help now, at least to better understand the changes - and how you are affected by your actions and reactions - and lack of them - in case of an emerging problem that can grow. You can tell your partner that you have had this problem already with your ex, and it was your ex at that time who had a low libido while you were craving for attention, tell him you can therefore empathise with him since you are no stranger to this situation and then do what you ex didn't do - do something about it. Many things can affect your sexual desire, be it stress from work, or depression or menopause among other factors. A visit to your doctor is indicated to determine the causes, you will probably have your hormone levels checked and discuss your situation overall. If your lack of interest in sex is due to menopause, there are treatments available that can help you regain it, ointments and hormone therapy and I'm sure, others. I have found this link for you:http://www.epigee.org/menopause/sexdrive.htmlI think it's important to tell him when you are not in the mood and when he is, you can help him orgasm, in other ways than intercourse, at least some of the times. It's also important to let him know that until your problem is dealt with, you are still there for him and enjoying his company, but he should seize the difference when you are not in the mood and be understanding - too much pressure from him if he doesn't understand your feelings very well can make you avoid his company altogether, and avoid any kind of proximity, even more innocent one; that would be a bigger problem. You could also establish a rate of sexual encounters that is OK to both of you for now.There are times when one partner experiences lack of desire, the other partner should be made aware this has nothing to do with his attractiveness, frustrations will probably appear but you can still devote more time to OTHER couples' activities, go out more often for example; also, keep him abreast of how the situation is progressing during your treatment. He should appreciate the fact that you are involved in the heart of the matter and while the results may delay a while in showing, if your relationship isn't and wasn't based on just sex, you should be able to be patient and understanding to one another, you can still care for each other when you've caught a cold and have passionate conversations and maybe a few of those will lead to something more. Continue to be affectionate and you should find other ways to please him as I've said, couple this with medical support and a good friendship and you are on a good track.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 Well since your first marriage ended because of no sex, how come you are asking now that the tables are turned? You most likely are suffering from the first stages of menopause. Talk to your doctor and see if you can't get that libido back.
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