A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My best mate J has always been there for me. For over ten years he has helped me as best he could, and I have helped him as best I can. For over a year J has been dating a wonderful person, M. M is HIV+. J knew the risks of this, J has dated a HIV+ guy before. Every time J has had a flu, sinuses, a headache, anything, I have started to worry. Paranoied? Perhaps, but HIV is a leathal virus.However I am not the only one starting to worry, both J and M think that the virus has been passed on to J because J is showng the initial signs of infection. J is off for the test soon, but we all suspect that J is now HIV+ as well. J is closing up, I am fearful.I don't know how to support my friend. I don't know how to help him. It's all I can do to hold myself together and keep a front. A love interest of mine became HIV+ last year and had great difficulty in dealing with this issue. I suspect it was part of the reason why we split (I'm HIV-). My vision is clouded, I am emotional and irrational. I try and keep it together. How do I help my friend J? WHat do I say? Is there anything I can do or say? I'm so lost yet need to help my friend.
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male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Hi there,
I’m very sorry to hear about your friend’s situation. I have accompanied friends to hear HIV test results, and I know what you are going through as the friend.
I commend your desire to lean how you can better support and help your friend through this trying time. My best advice would be to just keep being the good friend that you have been all these years. Don’t change your attitude or reactions to him; I’m sure enough people will do that. Perhaps more than anything, he needs you to be a source of stability.
There are some excellent HIV resources in Australia. I have a couple links that can help you find more information and groups to assist your friend (and you!) cope:
http://napwa.org.au/
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/dir1.html
Be sure to get in contact with the AIDS Line in your area to speak with a counsellor. They can help you, too.
Lots of love from Canada.
PS: It is difficult for some individuals to understand that HIV+ people do not stop being human, and that they are just as deserving of love and emotional and physical contact as the rest of us. Such people are truly sheltered human beings. When you are confronted by these people, try to pity them rather than give in to anger. I’ve never met one of these people who were able to base their opinions on first-hand knowledge.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): I really feel like J knew the risk that he was taking. He knew that he could become HIV+ so there is nothing you can say. I would not risk my life like that if I knew a person was positive. If J took that risk is J's responsibility to deal with that. The only thing I can say is you need to make sure you don't become HIV+. A friend is genually a friend, but your life is your life. If he was neglegant about with himself he would not give a damn about you. Good luck with trying to help a friend that made his own death bed intionally.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 no all you can really do for your friend is not neglect him just treat him as normal let him know you are there for him no matter what the outcome
just let him know he has all the support he will need and can get from you :)
just don't single him out should he have the illness because he won't feel right at all just treat him as you always would and let him know that as and when he needs a friend to listen you'll always be there beside him to help him through.
there is nothing you can really say to be honest just let him know you're always going to be there like he has been for you :)
comfort him when he needs it and mess about when he needs his mind taken off things.
Hope this helps :)
best of luck!
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