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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My life is going a bit out of control. My ex got me into taking drugs. When we took this we had such incredible sex, sometimes for 8 hours. I'm not saying its his fault that I took them because everyone can make up their minds about taking things. I was in a bad place when we met, everything was going wrong and I'd look forward to just doing this with him, it took my mind off everything. I realised how bad it was that we had a relationship based around this, he also smoked weed and he was paranoid, jealous,possesive. So I ended it. Well he's got me wanting to just find someone else to have sex with, I want that high back and although he was an absolute jerk to me, I miss him and having the most amazing sex. The drugs haven't effected my life, I still work and function. No one would think I did that. I'm not addicted to them which is good because we split up a month ago and I haven't wanted to take them. How the hell do you try and have a normal relationship with someone after that, all I think about is the way I felt when we were together. I can't get it out of my mind. I've just started seeing somebody else and he's just amazing he's absolutely lovely. But I still think of my ex and wanting to be with him. How do you get over someone? Usually if a man treated me like crap I'd be out the door straight away, but I'm still stuck here fantasising over a loser :( I sound so selfish and I hate that I feel that way. Has anybody else been in this situation or am I wierd for being like this.
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drugs, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (17 November 2012):
 Well you answered your own question by mentioning how good you and him felt before the drugs. You most and likely had very very Berry good chemistry in that area with or without drugs. you will find someone with that or perhaps you and ex will get right
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Daisy thankyou so much for that link :) I think it's really helped me!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (17 November 2012):
 This might help:
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/moving-on-from-disappointment-are-you-focused-on-the-person-or-on-the-bigger-picture-of-your-life/
There are loads of other articles on that site. I really recommend it.
I think you did the right thing in moving on from this guy and staying off the drugs. Take it slowly with the new guy and see where it leads ... at the moment your judgement is clouded by the obsessive thoughts about your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): He did have good things about him, he was funny, charming and interesting. We liked the same things and we could talk for hours, he felt like my best mate when he was being nice. But then he had that other side and he would get into a mood about nothing, he would check up on me in work, he thought he was the only person I should hang around with, he'd ring me constantly throughout the day. Fifty percent of the time he was the best boyfriend I've had and the other fifty percent he was by far the worst. We did have good sex before we started doing illicit drugs, best I've ever had. Even kissing him when I wasn't on the illicit drugs felt lovely. I had this massive connection to him and I'm really struggling to get over it. I was fine when we split up but time isn't making things better its making it worse, with this new guy he doesn't really kiss me very often, he doesn't hug me, when we have sex its nice but not mind blowing. I know how awful I'm sounding at the moment. I need to realise that I'd never have a future with him and if I did get pregnant I certainly wouldn't want him as a father. There's more to life than sex.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 November 2012):
 I think given enough time you may realize what you had was an illusion of happiness.
While you say the drugs didn't effect your day to day life, you have to face the facts that eventually it WOULD affect your life. The honeymoon phase of drugs rarely lasts forever and eventually your work performance suffers or you have begin to have ill effects from the drugs. Also, if you were into ecstasy, the damage that these drugs do often shows up later in life.
You state your boyfriend treated you very poorly and from what you allude to, he was a loser. What would've happened had you become pregnant? Would he have made good father material or would you be stuck raising the kid by yourself?
I think when you focus on one aspect of your relationship you are singling out the best part and not thinking about what else makes a healthy and fulfilling partnership. Sure the sex was great, but imagine how it would feel if you had a partner that made you feel that way naturally -- just by being around them. That you knew would be with you no matter what...
By focusing on the total picture of what you want out of a man, you'll realize that there is more to "love" and "being complete" than just 8-hour marathon sex sessions. After all, when the sexual lust fades, you are stuck with one another -- and at the point, you'll have to ask yourself what's left... from the sounds of your ex, it would appear not much.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (17 November 2012):
Would you mind specifying which drugs you were influenced by? I only ask because certain types of psychoactive drugs (mainly hallucinogens, empathogens, and entactogens) cause an intensely intimate bond between two people. This bond is heightened if you are intimate sexually while under the influence.
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A
female
reader, Ganna  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 It seems like you are just addicted to the feeling. Not the actual guy. Drugs have that affect on you. That is why i recommend never to be intoxicated under narcotics, while having intercourse because your body becomes much more sensitive and you feel more pleasure. In the end you ruin sex for yourself when you are sober because it is much harder to achieve those feelings ( unless of course your partner and you know how to stimulate each other without thinking too much)
You think that it is the best sex... but have you had good sex with him when you were sober? It does make a big difference once you realize that it was only the drug that caused you to feel so much pleasure and excitement.
With the man that you are currently dating, there is no big deal in continuing. If you feel like you are doing this just to forget about another guy, it doesn't seem fair to him or to you. However consider how he acts towards you, and if he makes you feel good about yourself, that you like his company, then he seems like a keeper.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Well, everyone wants to feel pleasure. But you see what happens when you exclusively look for pleasure, whether it be sexual or chemically induced: the pleasure does not last. Pleasure in and of itself is not enough to sustain a relationship; you need love, trust, stability. I'm not saying settle, if you and your new guy have no sex life. But what I am saying is, it is dangerous to try to replace one high with another high. In a way, I WOULD say you are addicted, just to the feeling of feeling as good as you did before, so you need to evaluate why you have the need to feel something that does not last? We orgasm and then there's nothing--unless you have more to the relationship. Try to take it slow with the new guy and just build the foundations for a relationship if that's what you want right now. Otherwise, cut him lose.
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