| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How do you go about forgetting someone who has hurt you deeply?I'm trying to forget that I even met the guy in the first place -- but it so far has been difficult. I've deleted him from FB..got rid of his number...haven't made any attempts to contact him...yet still I'm a bit raw/scarred from the whole experience. To make the situation even worse, I'm hating myself at this point for letting my guard down (even though my instincts told me otherwise) and making myself vulnerable to him. I was completely honest with him from the get go throughout our 6 months of knowing each other. I told him things that I never revealed to anyone. It even shocked me that I was so open with him. But he had completely taken advantage of that, got what he wanted and left. I told him from the beginning that I wanted everything out in the open. Granted we didn't know each other for very long but the only thing I expected from him was to be completely honest with me as I was with him. When I felt as though "whatever" was going on with us was steering in another direction, I gave him more than enough chances just to come clean and tell me what he wanted. But he would do/say things to me to make me think that he actually was developing feelings for me. It just hurts very much to know that someone can be so cruel. Not only did he take advantage of me emotionally but he took advantage of me physically as well. It's been roughly 2 1/2 weeks since I last heard from him. But the whole ordeal has me going topsy-turvy. In a lot of ways I want closure...I want to know why he did the things that he did and why he felt the need to end it like he did (by just disappearing). We're both adults...he could have just stated that he wasn't working out and there wouldn't have been any hard feelings at all. But instead, it just feels like he told me everything that I wanted to hear and got rid of me when he was finished. What should I do? Is it even worth wanting an explanation? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (7 June 2012):
 He disappeared because he wanted it over and was too immature to face you like an adult. It's that simple. Of course it hurts like hell now and you want an explanation. Even if you got one it would be an excuse, one that wouldn't help because you would just have more questions about why. Time will heal you and you will get over it. I can't tell you how many times I was crushed and left and felt I couldn't ever get over it, I even have posts on here about it from years ago, but I did. And one day you won't even think about it anymore. Seems so hard now but it's completely true. And I commend you on keeping your thoughts out in the open and making sure to talk openly. He messed up big time when he bailed on you, I'm guessing he will realize it one day. Not a lot of girls out there talk openly and communicate and they are greatly appreciated by most men. Men being the key word there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): I can really relate to how you are feeling, I have recently gone through something very similar. And the part about being completely honest with him - I think I know what you mean. It's been 3 months and although I admit I haven't forgotten about it completely, I feel much better.I have to say that first of all, do not blame yourself for being honest and open. You heart was open and if someone took advantage of it - it is about them, not you. Don't let it undermine your self-esteem or what you believe about yourself. Be strong, you will get to a much happier place with time. If it helps, write him a letter saying all the things you would tell him if you had a chance, but don't send it, burn it or shred it and throw it away, as if you are letting go of him and this painful experience.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (6 June 2012):
1 - In time, you will not even think of this person. This is a certainty - trust me.
2 - With the above in mind, realize that any worrying/hurting you do between then and now is completely pointless.
3 - My best, albeit hard to follow advice, is to completely forget about this clown. The best way to do that is keep yourself completely occupied. Work, socializing, new relationships. Good Luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): Hi,I'm sorry that you are going through this.It is extremely hard going through a break up, and I have found from personal experience that it seems to take longer to heal when there is no closure.I also feel sometimes when you get the answer, you may wish you never got it from them. I dont know what he did because you havent mentioned much about the situation, but I do know he disappeared.This is a cruel way to leave someone. The men who do this just simply do not want the awkward, or dramatic break up and so he left like a coward.You dont need a little boy like this. You need a man. Mature and responsible with your feelings. You need cheering up and it sounds cliche, but TIME really will mend it all. There is no magic potion to take away heartbreak ( otherwise we would all be taking it!!) you have to go through the process of healing after this, step by step. It is ok to be angry, confused, a little down for a while. You are only human. Talk to friends about it, you are right to keep away from him so that if and when he did try to contact you, you wont be there to hear him out.You will find your strength from this. Sometimes it takes crappy things like this to happen in our lives for us to realize it.
...............................
|
