A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married and had an affair a few years ago. Its not something I am proud of, my head just got turned when I was in a low place. I have not met him for four years but have been in touch via email.The thing is whilst I know I can never be with him, I miss him so much. He was not even that caring to me so I dont know whats the matter...he was full of charm don't get me wrong, but the back up wasn't there.I guessed his email address password and he has met someone new who he is head over heels with and is going to marry and I just feel so sick inside. I have prob not provided a very good explanation so please feel free to ask.I just need help to move on, he is like a parasite in my head.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): why don't you spend all these energies rectifying your marriage. spend these energies on YOUR HUSBAND INSTEAD OF YOUR EX LOVER. i believe your husband think he has his faithful wife back, surely you can give him that at least. invest in your marriage instead of your lover. or else get out of the marriage. let your hb get on with his life and allow him to meet his soul mate. do not waste your hb's time anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Thank you for your answers, yes I am still married and yes I guess I was just looking for an escape from the routine.
I know my actions re the email snooping are unacceptable but I just find it so hard to stop looking. Yes it prob does look creepy..and prob is creepy. I was not going to say that part but then thought..if I hold back I will not get an honest reply.
I think you are spot on in your reply, the rose tints have put him right on the highest pedestal...four years is a long time to be sad. Its like my brain has detached.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): You created ad idol, he is just another human being.Time usualy heals, but not in your case. You probably have a lot of time on your hands, a lot of thinking is going on, that's when most likely a little obsession happens.I've been there before. I know how it is when your life is interrupted by someone exciting and new, and you can't stop thinking about him.One day I realized it's so unfair to myself to devote so much time and thoughts and feelings to someone who doesn't really care.It was eating me day after day, and then I just sent him e-mail telling what's going, asked him not to e-mail me anymore, as I am trying to move on, and keeping in touch doesn't help. I also wished him the best in his life, saying that I can't stay friends w/him anymore, not because he is bad, but because this contact greatly disturbes me. This letter to him kind of finalized that chapter in my life, slowly but surely it became my past.Now looking back I am still surprized how strongly I felt about this man. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (17 September 2009):
 Umm... stop invading his personal privacy and reading his emails. Besides being a GROSS VIOLATION and sign of obsession (and after four years, somewhat creepy) such behaviours impede your ability to move on.
You don't actually want him anyway. You said that while he is charming, he still didn't fulfill your needs emotionally.
Your issue is that you are unhappy with your current situation. Are you still married? Is something else going on that keeps you unhappy?
You want what he represents to you. He took you out of your life for a period of time and THAT'S what you want... out of your life or current situation.
To help you further, I would need to know why you are unhappy with your life.
Feel free to elaborate in this thread (or another) if you wish to talk more. If the above makes sense to you and you wish, you may also send me a Private Message.
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