A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend broke up with me. This relationship has lasted over a year. It was at first the greatest thing I had, but became abusive - I seemed to be blind and held onto it because I remembered his kind self at the beginning and hoped he would be back to himself.He would break my things if they would get in the way (iPod, video game things, my coat). He would tell me not to talk to certain people, pissed off my old friends, and told me not to respect my parents. He would make fun of my weaknesses and secrets that I've told him. He would take contacts from my msn and cell phone and threaten to call them. He would send rude texts to my parents. He would "pretend" to cheat on me by making up girls and saying he's going to go out with them. So many of the harsh things have driven me to a nearly everyday pattern of crying. One time he got so pissed at me for crying he started to choke me. The marks are still there. He would also make up lies in a straight voice about what people said about me, though upon asking them they said it wasn't true.I have been kinder to his family than he has ever been. They even know he has problems. But do they support me? No. They shun me aside and ignore my calls.I was at first abusive. I yelled, and said nasty things but he happens to record me or save the chat logs for proof. Basically, my question is: How do you get over being upset a horrible relationship... when you know you're the victim? He goings around with this recording of me, framing me as the crazy one and the person who ruined the relationship. This really angers me, but with certain people he is more credible than me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I'm the writer of this question, and I want to thank all of you for replying. I am building up support within my own family and circle of friends, and even your support and kindness means a lot! I will take your advice to heart.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I'm the writer of this question, and I want to thank all of you for replying. I am building up support within my own family and circle of friends, and even your support and kindness means a lot! I will take your advice to heart.
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A
female
reader, lilacfox  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Hi,
I am really sorry to read this, for one reason being I know how it feels to be treated like this, and I know how painful it is to go through.
I too was in a psychologically abusive relationship, and I ending up turning to drink to escape, and became physically abusive to the person.
This man's family and friends all ignore me, treat me like I don't exist, or treat me worse than something they stepped in.
Here's the thing though: In ANY relationship, there are two people involved, yes? Therefore, in any breakup, there are two people involved also. 50% of the blame each.
These individuals who choose to only see the blame lying with you are either completely stupid, or they know deep down that at the very least 50% of the blame lies with their family member.
Do you have people in your family who know you? Do you have friends who know who and what you really are?
Stick with these people. Your self-esteem right now is understandably in the gutter, and this will only make all this situation seem so much worse.
I know and totally understand how frustrating this is, when you imagine these people believing lies about you.
It is not going to be easy. But you can get through this. Talk about it as much as you need to. True friends will listen, however many times you need to talk about it to them. Talking (shouting, crying or whatever!) is a good healthy release of the bad feelings.
You can't control what this person does, or how he feels, or how his friends/family feel. You can only control how you react and deal with it. You can only keep your own side of the street clean as it were.
If you are alone, and have no one to talk to, try writing down everything then putting it away someplace, or burning it. I found it did help to write down "my side". I still have it around somewhere. I wrote pages and pages of the stuff!
Don't give him any ammunition to use against him. This is easier said than done though, so be prepared, ok?! But you can do it. Each time you do it, it will become easier.
Good luck :o)
There are always people here who will listen too. I've only just joined, and it seems like a massive place!
Take care :o) x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Hi there
I can sympathize with you, after having dated a psycho. Some people that we knew together actually did side with him, and believed every terrible thing that he said about me (that I was a prostitute, that I stole from him - NONE of it true). He was always a sketchy character, and I truly didn't realize that associating with him would cause people to judge my character under the same light that they judged him. However, this happens, and was a very good lesson for me ;)
How do you get over being upset a horrible relationship... when you know you're the victim - my answer to this is: stop being a victim! Be proud of yourself for leaving, be proud of who you are, and be proud that you are moving on. As for the people who believe his side of the story, they are probably not the type of people you will want in your new life anyway. And if they are, you just have to continue to be the best person you can be, and be ready to forgive them when they are ready to believe you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (30 December 2007):
 I know how frustrating this must be for you, but he's only doing this too get you annoyed. Just try and forget about him, pretend you don't care but make it clear to people who ask that HE was the problem. He's obviously crazy so just keep away from him
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