A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm new to this but I'm going crazy with my boyfriend and have no one to ask advice from. So here it goes. I think my boyfriend is either a selfish lover or just treats me like a prostitute. He's very sweet and giving in all other areas of our relationship except sex. He never does anything to me at all. He doesn't even grope me unless I ask him to and even then, he mostly just pats me. And once we're finally going at it, once he climaxes, he's done, which usually happens after a minute or so. I didn't say anything for the first year and a half but then I did and it got worse. I told him what I like, and that I'd like more attention to my body and needs and now he has trouble getting an erection or having one that last. But for the last 4 months, the times he can last, he has been the only one who climaxes and then just acts like a child who'd gotten in trouble when he sees how hurt or mad or disappointed I am. I can't tell him anything because he just tells me how I'm not patient and pulls away even more and doesn't try ANYTHING. What do I do? I don't know how to handle this anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): If seeing you being aroused gets him aroused then he would want to please you. Does he find you physically attractive? I'm wondering if maybe he doesn't find you attractive and that's why he doesn't get turned on by you and thus isn't interested in doing anything with you??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): It takes two to tango. In the romance department you need lots of verbal and nonverbal communication. It is a sharing and by your description it is not happening. Can you change that I think it is going to be hard. I and my girlfriend are a couple of years younger than you. Working and keeping a healthy and fulfilling relationship is I believe harder than it is for me to learn to become a dental surgery. Excuse my comparisons. There are so many variables and combinations to this whole thing. But I know and my girlfriends knows that we are committed to each other and wont go outside our relationship to seek what I may be missing sometimes and vice versa. She loves the oral sex and I know how to give it and it puts her into orbit and it always leave a smile on her face. I may not get what I always enjoy in a relationship but by the end of the week it balances out. Sorry for all the mush stuff. He may need pro help but he may not want it. Then you can opt to seek a relationship like I enjoy with my women. But never ever say it is not your problem. Because when you don't get that tender kiss or that loving and re assuring embrace your not get the full package and then it is your problem. Good Hunting you deserve it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 March 2013):
 i have never understood this concept, as i date women and we always go so far out of our way to focus on our partners needs above all else. i know for me, i can't remotely get into sex if i know that the girl i'm with isn't enjoying it. in fact, i can't even get off unless she's either in the process of getting off at the same time, or has already gotten off first. i certainly don't want to f*ck a dead fish who's just laying there motionless and silent for about two minutes tops. what fun is that?? and i'm sorry to be somewhat vulgar, but a woman's orgasm is the hottest thing in in the world. so why wouldn't you strive to achieve that?!?
this kind of stuff really makes me confused. why on earth do men do this? it IS extremely selfish.
i'm sorry i'm not helping you get an answer to your question. i'm just also very curious about the rationale behind it. it's something i've always wondered. why wouldn't you want to please your partner? and why would you think she doesn't care?
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A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (17 March 2013):
 Well to tell you the truth if this bothers you so much and you know that its really damaging you and your relationship, you should break up with him. When he doesn't even try to make you feel good in the bedroom he is not even worth it. This reminds me of my ex, he didn't even make an attempted to make me feel good, and then he just left me frustrated and I got angry with him and things got worse. Sex is the same thing as a relationship both of you have to try and give it your best or one of you will always feel like you do everything and the other doesn't care and that's not fair and healthy.
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