A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help telling my long friend with benefits that I don't want the benefits. Backstory, we've been friends for 10 years, we dated for 3, I broke up with them last year but we remained roommates and it transformed into FWB. I have had my bouts of anxiety and depression and I dont want to be in a relationship period until I get my mind right. During our relationship, it was good when it was good, but when it was bad it was BAD. We still hang out as friends, but he still wants to have sex. My mind just isn't into it at all. They definitely still look forward to if we get back together but with where I'm at right now, I just don't see it anytime soon until I have removed the bitterness and resentment I have for him at times when we disagree or have a mini argument. I don't want to hurt him anymore than my actions have hurt him over the years, however he knows he's hurt me and has apologized, but I don't think he's working to improve himself and just excuses his behavior and apologizes after the fact. Since we still live together, I am also dependent on their help financially. I am considering selling my home and I have told him that I am considering an apartment for myself, though he and his family have offered to let me live with them. I know we need space to completely end the relationship, but i have guilt for hurting him when all he wants is for us to repair and recommit romantically. We tried couples counseling with no luck and I'm in therapy now w/ new meds that are helping me hate myself less. What ways could I tell him that we shouldn't have sex, in a way that's not so "It's not you it's me?" I want us to stay friends, should this wait til we have to look for new places to live?
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broke up, friend with benefits, get back together, period, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 October 2016):
 Simply say look Jack while I am trying to get myself sorted I am going to stop having sex with you until I feel that I am ready to be romantically involved with you, I would still like to be friends with you, but until I work on getting myself emotionally better that is all I can offer.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (10 October 2016):
 You have two great answers from two uncles on here. Just take it from them =)
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 October 2016):
 You do realize it's your body...Your vagina, right??? So when you say NO...it means what to you??
Never give a man sex for nothing. Sex must come with something..not for now...but for years to come...like marriage.
NEVER give away any part of you just to make someone else happy. Give your all to the one who gives back their all to you.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 October 2016):
You can just tell him that you do not want to have sex. What is wrong with saying that? You have the right to say no just like anyone else. If you say no and is not understanding of you, is he really a friend?
No matter the addiction, you have to start with saying no. Your actions have to also guide your words. You wont die without sex. He wont die without sex. He will be fine, you will be fine. As a partner, if he is fulfilling your needs then good. If not, bounce, leave his place, or kick him out whatever the case is.
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