A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm curious as to how people ease themselves into dating for the first time. Especially if you're very hesitant about it. I'm 23 (almost 24), and have never dated or been approached for a date and believe me, I know that's my own fault. I tend to keep to myself and don't try very hard to put myself out there. (i.e. I hardly ever wear makeup or really nice clothes and instead opt out for casual/comfortable looks because that's what I feel most secure in, I also tend to stay home and rarely go out unless it's with my parents)The thing is, I'm kind of scared of the idea of being in a relationship. One: for the life of me I cannot relax around guys. Whether I'm even attracted to them or not, my brain just freaks out and goes into overload trying to come off as impressive or casual in conversation and yet it feels so forced to me, so much so that everytime a guy so much as talks with me I feel myself blushing and heating up out of nervousness.Two: the physical side of relationships terrify me. I've never been a very intimate person. I'm actually quite private with affection. Even with family, like hugging, holding hands, saying I love you; none of that has ever felt natural to me, just kind of awkward. If someone wants a hug or says I love you, I will reciprocate but I'm never the first one to initiate. So the fact that I have such a hard time being that open with family makes me terrified of being that open and more with a complete stranger. Like I always imagined finding a boyfriend in high school or college, thinking that would give me time to grow with someone and get to know them over time rather than just immediately giving out my number to a stranger I just met. Unfortunately throughout my academic life nothing happened, so any future dating will be with total strangers/slight acquaintances. Again, this terrifies me because I do not want to be physically affectionate with someone I barely know, but nowadays people seem to kiss on the first date. I doubt there's very many guys that would be that patient with me. I feel like most guys my age just want to hook up. Like that's their end goal. Yet I'm over here thinking I won't be comfortable with that until I'm married. However, I will be honest. I've tried to get rid of my stigma around sex and intimacy by exposing myself to more thorough depictions of it. (Namely porn and more romance-based books) My thought process being that if I get more used to seeing it/reading about it, maybe it won't make me so uncomfortable. Unfortunately, although I'm becoming more in tune with sexuality and such, I still can't imagine myself being romantic with someone. I'm not necessarily in a hurry to date, I want to wait until I feel ready for it, but I feel like I'm pushing past the age for first-time dating. I should have at least some experience by now. It's to the point where I'm slightly embarrassed to tell people I've never dated. They look at me like I'm some weirdo, which I guess, in today's sexually charged society, I kind of am.I just want to know other people's experiences. How did you start dating? How do you let yourself be vulnerable with strangers? Should I try eHarmony or am I too young for that? (Granted, meeting people online is a more terrifying because you really don't know who you're interacting with but I feel like eHarmony would be more thorough at finding people like myself). (Yes I know I come off as sheltered and immature but I'm not. My parents never tried to hide anything and have always been fairly open. I've just never felt comfortable about these things. I understand sex and affection are just a part of growing up, I know this; I just want it to feel natural to me. So I hope any answers I receive refrain from simply telling me to 'grow up' or 'act like an adult.' Please. I work better with people sharing their own experiences, giving me different perspectives)Thank you
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (26 February 2018):
 You need to get out and about with your female friends, thats how most people start dating. You also need to smarten up your appearance. You can be casual and comfortable and smart all at the same time. Put on a bit of make-up, it doesn't have to be plastered on. Try and get in with a group of people. Going on a website to meet people is probrably not advisable when you've never even been on a date in the first place. I bet your parents are starting to get a bit worried about you and sitting at home with them isn't going to get you anywhere.
A
female
reader, ashleighkaylin +, writes (18 February 2018):
 Where I come from its EXPECTED that you wait until marriage to even kiss so you're not alone in wanting to be courted and that you want to hold off on physical intimacy until you get emotional intimacy. There's nothing wrong with what you want. If you're religious or dating someone who is, you'll be more likely to find someone who agrees with you. There's also the possibility that you're asexual and there's nothing wrong with that. Im not trying to offend if you're not but that's all I have to go on. And you do not seem immature to me at all!
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