A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with your bf/fiance/husband having female friends or being friends w female co workers, when there have been trust issues in the past (although hes never physically cheated) i told him he needs to be honest and he doesnt want to because i get insecure. Im so torn because you cant have a relationship without trust. And you cant have trust without honesty. I know you have to have boundries but he wont have anything to do with boundries i set because he wants a personal life. I tell him everything in my life. I dont have guy friends because he isnt ok with it. I just need help. Idk what to do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 How do you deal with a guy who doesn't want boundaries but sets them for you? Is there any question here? You tell him to go away and be thankful you are free from a controlling man's nonsense.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2012):
 you don't have guy friends because he's not ok with it..
but then you say "he wont have anything to do with boundries i set because he wants a personal life."
so my question to you is why is it ok for him to want to set guidelines for you but not follow the ones you set for him?
And then why are YOU ok with such an unequal relationship? Why are you ok with him setting rules for you and not respecting you enough to ignore your requests?
No wonder you don't trust him. You have no reason to trust him.. he doesn't let you be friends with guys because he knows what he's thinking about his female friends...
I'd tell him, the same rules apply to both of you either you both have friends of the opposite sex or neither of you do...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): I was once married to a chap where there were terrible trust issues and it didn't work out. His ex partner told me that he was a really nice guy but you never knew where he was. She turned out to e right- he had an issue with anyone asking about or to his mind 'controlling' his movements. The problem you will find is that you can ask somewhat not to do one thing or hope that they will abide byt your fully justified rules but when it comes to it they will do exactly what they want to do. My current husband talks to other women behind my back. I don't like it and it causes trouble but I know he will do it. I made a mistake because I asked him to stop calling them and to stop me whining on he agreed but just ended up doing it when I am not there. Any element of trust or doubt weakens a relationship and makes you insecure and fearful and leads to obsessive behaviour which pushes men away. If you do have an element of mistrust with him I don't think he iis the one for you. You appear to be very honest and open and expect the same in return but his values and views are not quite in alignment with yours. Once there is a doubt with trust then the relationship to my mind is effectively over.
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A
female
reader, Warm.Heart +, writes (16 September 2012):
I am going through the same thing... SAME THING ! . I mean I trust him to a point where as we have broken up before and i saw him with some girl and he said "it was to distract me from thinking about you" ... i have been cheated on and people that I trust have left me out in the rain and watched.. Im 19 .. trust in yourself though. it gets hard but im sure it will get better.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Well that doesn't seem fair why is it you tell him everything about your life but he will not do the same for you?
And why can he have female friends and you aren't allowed guy friends because he isn't ok with it?
This isn't fair he seems to be the one who has trust issues because he doesn't want to share with you he wants a 'personal' life as he calls it, and he won't let you be friends with guys because he doesn't like it?
I don't think this is the relationship for you.
You can't go on not having guy friends but letting him have female friends that is just controlling and unfair to you.
If he trusts you then you should be able to have guy friends whom are co workers or whom aren't, he's allowed female ones but you're meant to be ok with that.
You need to let him know that he can't treat you unfairly when you give him everything and he won't do the same... relationships are about honesty and sharing things together and being able to trust one another.
You guys need a serious talk and perhaps he needs a reality check and maybe even a good kick up the bum.
Hope this helps.
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