A
female
age
51-59,
*evived-at-45
writes:My new boyfriend (3 months) has horrific breath sometimes.I tried subtle, then obvious hints like putting a toothbrush on his overnight bag. I finally said that didnt cut it, brush your teeth man! Then I turned it into a game about brushed teeth = sex time. That worked for a couple weeks.But even that isn't working anymore.Lately I found out that he grew up only brushing 1x/day so its his old pattern coming up. Ive talked with him about this, even go him to go to the dentist, but it persists.The last straw is that I just came down with an infected throat - 2nd time in 6weeks. Exactly the same as the first time. Today a nurse said its likely from anerobic bacterium in HIS mouth and my lowered immunity (why Im sick and he's not).I had had it, I was ticked and told him, but I didnt do it well. I kind of just blurted it out. But didnt get to the root of the matter or the effect on my health because he because sullen and pulled back. 100% not listening.When I texted an apology just now, he said "Meh. Don't worry about it." But after his reaction, I dont believe it.------------QUESTION: how do you deal with this sort of thing tactfully, yet firmly enough that the behaviour changes without resentment or hurt feelings? Or is that even possible?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): You said, SOMETIMES. It means that his breath is not always bad. Usually only brushing doesn't help. Sometimes bad breath means that there is a piece of food is stuck somewhere and started to rot. He needs to use water pick and floss even if he is brushing several times a day and doesn't floss, the problem won't be solved.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 Fortunately for me my partner then boyfriend (of 3 months) was ‘self-conscious’ of his teeth etc. before I came along. So it didn’t take much encouragement for him to see a Dentist; he knew and wanted to change and just needed that extra support. It’s amazing what a difference a good woman can make in some men’s lives… He realised I cared about him more than he had felt with previous partners.
For me; I can’t imagine why anyone would allow their special someone to deteriorate into poor health and not ‘do’ something. (So good on you) But that was just one bad habit out of three that I had to see him change… Whilst he fixed his teeth, I did the cooking and I tended to the third and final bad habit; as it also affected my health etc.
My approach was thus; naturally each of us are not aware of certain things we do; so at first I’d observe and see what’s up… when it started to offend me or affect my health or our intimacy I would bring the issue up. (Say it how it is.) He then had and was given the opportunity to solve this problem. If he persisted to ignore this request, I’d either distance myself or hammer it home after trying three civil loving attempts to communicate.
Of course there was the usual kicking and screaming, he’s a grown man and him hearing that he had to be told the basics like you would a child – clean your teeth; wash your hands and so forth was tantrum territory. However there was no bargaining/compromise on hygiene for me and if he wanted to get down and dirty by all means start off with ‘basic’ clean habits.
I took time, yet he learnt it was our; if not his health that was important. After all if nothing changes; nothing changes.
Take Care – CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): I would try talking to him again in a more gentle way and send him a link for thera breath/dr. katz. Some people have bad chronic bad breath, and this will not be helped no matter how much you brush/floss etc. You have to change your toothpaste/rinse, and use their monthly probiotics treatment which reintroduces the good bacteria which fights bad breath into the mouth/throat. People with chronic bad breath don't have this bacteria.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 The only time I dated a guy with bad breath, I only kissed him once, pulled away because I nearly puked, never kissed him again. When I realized the bad breath persisted during our second date, I decided not to see him again. Occassional bad breath is OK to tolerate, but to have persistent bad breath is a turn off to everyone.
Are you sure you want to continue dating a guy who has little dental hygiene? This is a deal breaker for most people.
Your boyfriend does not even want to acknowledge that he has a problem. He is stubborn. My fear is that this kind of attitude will seep over into other parts of your relationship. Are you willing to hit your head against a brick wall with this personal hygiene issue and all other issues that may follow?
If you stop kissing him, this will surely interfere with the intimacy between you.
As Dr. Phil would say, "Tell it like it is". Be very clear with him that his poor dental hygiene is unacceptable. If he wants to break up with you over this, then good riddance.
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