A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really struggling with my self esteem lately and it's making me want to stay inside just so nobody will look at me. About two years ago something bad happened to me that made me very depressed and I ended up taking pretty strong anti depressants that the doctor told me would put on weight. I was really slim before that and had no problem with my appearance. But then after taking them I put on about 40lbs. I dont take them anymore but whatever i do to try and lose weight nothing works. For weeks I walked about 8 miles every other day, I calorie counted, watched what I ate and I only lost 2lbs. I get my hair done but I never like how I look, I buy new clothes and try and take care of myself but i don't think I will ever go back to looking how I used to.My 9 year old nephew keeps telling me I'm fat and other quite mean things. His mother is my twin sister who is tiny and he always passes comment on how different we look. Sometimes I think he finds it hard to believe we are twins. My sister tells him off and gets upset when he says this to me but sometimes kids can put their foot in it!I dont know how to deal with my sister being so much prettier and slimmer than me. When I go out with my family I always feel like the mess out of them all. My family are quite attractive and my mother looks a good 15 years younger than she is. I also have a boyfriend who met me when I was smaller than I am, he tells me I'm attractive and stuff but I dont believe him. His family are all naturally tanned and gorgeous so I feel like the odd one out now.I dont want to be so preoccupied with appearances and I feel a bit shallow being so upset by it. How do you deal with being the ugly duckling in the family?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): I feel like i did the ugly duckling story in reserve ... that i was the swan but never will be again. I am attending therapy at the moment because I think my self esteem is just one symptom of deeper problems. Something bad happened to you, well I would address that first and foremost. You need time to deal with it and resources. A pill won't take away the problem so I would ask your GP to be refereed for counselling if you can't afford it. Took 8 months for me to be seen but waiting that long was better than never dealing at all.
As for weight ... I would recommend researching Paul Mckenna "I can make you thin" and also look at veganism. I have weight issues too but now I am not as controlled by it. I feel freer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): Have you ever thought that you might not be the ugly duckling? Just because you've put on some weight it doesn't automatically make you un-attractive, you have to bear in mind that not everyone see's what you see. You might not see much but your boyfriend obviously does, so whether you believe him or not the fact remains that someone thinks you're beautiful the way you are. And I'm sure he's not the only person (though he might be the only one to admit it). I wouldn't be so hung up on your looks because everyone looks gorgeous through the right kind of eyes.
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