A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I hope that my question isn't too vague.I have been in a long-distance relationship for a few years. Though I never met the girl in person, I know she's for real, as we had quite a few webcam dates, and it was magical.However, she recently put our relationship on break, as one of the reasons was that I was "acting like a servant/worshipper" to her. She offered to be friends or just for us to hang out. I declined, telling her it would be torture and painful. I told her we'd be better off having an entirely clean cut, instead, until she was ready to come back. She agreed to my request.I then read a little bit later on that women in general don't like guys who are "doormats", which I basically was. I hope I showed her I wasn't being a "doormat" when I declined her friendship offer, because, I know what I want with her, and it is a ROMANTIC relationship, NOT PLATONIC. I told her I have not been so happy with platonic relations with girls when that's ALL can get.Is there ways I can win her back? If so, please let me know. Thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2015): Also, what does "See you one day" mean? She said that to me in the conversation when she was trying to break things off with me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): About the preposition, she said she would think about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): Hi. Like others I don't want to come across as harsh, but it has to be said- this is not a proper relationship and you are wasting your life on this to be frank.
Your second post talks of her fearing things are being rushed- seriously? You haven't met and this carry on has been happening for years? This has got to meet some kind of world record criteria for slowness ! What,is she on about rushing!
You sound a real gent- don't give up looking for something decent that includes physically being with someone and all that brings you.
Thus isn't a relationship - trying to show her thus or that- you are wasting your time and energy in my opinion. I also reckon she's met someone else to suddenly be like this, when you've always been the same. Someone in real life- I think you should do the same
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): I think her concern is that you've been perfectly happy and enamored with her; although you've never met. How can you make reference to a relationship where you've never met someone, anything but platonic? You are basically just friends no matter how you cut it.
A real relationship requires physical interaction and an established emotional connection. Kissing, hugging, sex, holding hands, and other forms of actual up-close and personal-contact. That cannot be done entirely by phone and over the internet. A real person cannot survive on a relationship entirely conducted over a device. Eventually you have to meet.
What are you hiding from; or keeping from her?
You really need to make more intimate connections with women; in order to learn how to maintain a relationship in real-time. You have to offer her something to warm her heart and capture her soul. Love requires a lot to nurture it, and what you're offering her isn't enough. You have to have something real to fall in-love with.
Long-distance by forced necessity is one thing; but people have to eventually meet and emotionally bond on several levels in the interim. You have nothing real to attach your feelings to.
The point is to meet and remain together as a couple. To develop a monogamous commitment based on physical and emotional attraction; reinforced by physical affection.
Your relationship with this young lady is one-dimensional. It has very little warmth, and absolutely no closeness to speak of. She has probably done and said everything possible to insult you and give you reason to let go and move on. You probably ignored it all and clung even tighter.
My dear young friend, find yourself a real girlfriend in close and intimate proximity. Time to outgrow the fantasy relationship you've maintained, and find someone who really isn't so far away. You have to develop charm, and challenge yourself as a man. You have to be close to women. Not simply be some voice or image they see on a device.
You've never met; therefore she is not your girlfriend. I think it is healthier for you to cut ties and move on.
Find your happiness young man.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2015): I'm the Original Poster of this question.
To the first anonymous replier, I have a question.
Do you think my refusal to be "friends" with her is a good way of showing her I'm not a doormat? If so, what are other ways for me to show her I'm not willing to be walked on?
I made a proposition to her about the relationship, and, though I won't divulge the details of its nature, I will divulge what the preposition is for, and it's to address another concern of hers, which was the fact that it felt "rushed". The preposition addresses that concern by providing a comfort pillow, if you will, for the both of us. By the way, she's the one who initiated the relationship.
I'm a nice man, and I truly do NOT want to change that aspect of my personality to get romantic love. For sake of happiness, I truly wish women would stop friendzoning me due to my niceness. Honestly, I really rarely catch a break in this department, and it's really insulting. That's another reason why I declined her friendship offer - I was really hurt by another girl's friendship offer after being dumped, and, I tell you, I really don't want to relive that. So, if there's a way to demonstrate to this girl that I can be accommodating to her while not being her "worshipper" or "slave", by all means, feel free to let me know how to demonstrate this, as this is a major factor as to why she seemed to want to just leave me.
...............................
A
female
reader, SoppyCow  +, writes (26 October 2015):
Like others have said this could all just be a fun little fantasy, but theres a chance its not. Maybe she has met someone else, or maybe she struggling having this relationship with you online and thats why she wanted to go on the break? I think you should talk opening with her about how your feeling about this, and ask her if she still feels the same way about you. If she does, then how she feels for you should be worth fighting for whether it being long distance is difficult or not. If not, then I suggest you call it a day and give yourself the time to get used to not contacting her anymore before trying to find someone else. Additionally dont believe everything you read or hear in the media, I wouldnt want my partner to be a doormat, but neither would I want him to be very controlling. My point is if you love some, really love them NOTHING would stop you from wanting to be with them, even if they secretly like eating their own shit. Love really does conquer all. Anyway, Im not sure if I have been helpful but I wish you good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2015): Actually, I have tried to date women on this side of the planet, and, just like I told her, not too many girls are willing to commit to me, even though I have a "great package". It's just sad, as we've done some really nice things for each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 October 2015):
 I agree with Tisha
How likely is it that you can HAVE a romantic relationship that is meaningful and real when you haven't even met in person? You have known each other a "few" years and never met. That to me is rather telling. Because meting the person makes it 100% more "real" when it's "just" online it's more of a fantasy, no matter how much you Skype, Facetime, IM, text, call. IT IS still fantasy.
She wanted a break, and blamed you for it. Easy way to "get rid" of you and the fantasy. My guess is? She met someone in REAL like, a person who is "THERE". Now why do I guess there is another dude involved? Because ALL of a sudden your "worshiping" your whole (at least online) persona is annoying her - after having been in this LDR for a few years with you. To me that seems like she was done wit the fantasy and wanted something REAL.
So YES! get off the computer, go me people. If you met someone online, LOOK for someone in your OWN geographical area, so you CAN met up without it costing an arm and a leg and requires passports and expensive plane tickets.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2015):
 Are there any ways to win back a woman you never met in real life, dated via webcam chats, and who has broken up with you?
Um.
No, it's not likely.
Have you considered trying to do the "real life" thing of meeting someone in person, asking them out and getting to know them in person?
I really hope you haven't put your dating life on hold for this LDR.
I would consider this a wake up call, turn off the webcam and the computer and go out and meet people in real life, if I were you.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2015): I'm sorry if I sound harsh but if I was talking to a man online for a few years and he considered it a long distance relationship it'd be a bit off putting. You're right lots of women aren't attracted so much to the doormat, worshipper kind of guy. Maybe after a while of being together in a proper relationship its nice to think a boyfriend would kind of worship you but if you've never met its a bit scary.
When I was single and started going on dates with people one guy would give me massive amounts of compliments and I didn't really like it. I didn't know if he was being false or not.
Dont try changing being a nice guy though! Its absolutely lovely having a nice guy for a boyfriend but maybe try reigning in the compliments and what not or coming across as worshipping somebody when you've never even met.
...............................
|
