A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I recently lost a friend, and as typical as it may seem, this was the first time I have ever had a serious falling out with any of my friends.It was a bit ridiculous, really. To explain without getting into real detail, those who were involved had huge and unrealistic expectations of a high school "group," and I wasn't good enough and promptly replaced from the group I helped find. Which is well enough, but looking at it from an outsiders has really been an eyeopener! To give some back story, our "group" would practice outside the classroom on Wednesday mornings, while the rest of the class would practice inside. And looking back, I realize that we were a**holes!They, because they would openly mock other people in the class for what they did or how the practiced. Me, because I went along with it and didn't say anything (I even laughed!).With the goings-on and drama in our group the teacher (who was partially forced into taking on the group after our old teacher retired)decided to give the group a break. The person who was particularly upset with this was my best friend, and I knew he blamed me for it. (I had several talks with the teacher about a schedule conflict the next semester, and my father had a talk with the teacher over why I had come home crying). That talk, I believe was the reason why the teacher decided to take a break...But I know my (ex) best friend thinks it's my dad's fault (which it isn't) or my fault or whatever. The following week, after the incident (which involved a lot of crying on my part; 3 days straight! That's a record), my friend and I talked; lots of talking and trying to save our friendship on my part and lots of "I don't know"s and a lack of eye contact on his. And I should have known that it was over. Done; many good memories gone just because we acted stupidly during the Incident.But I naively hoped and he said to see where things took us over winter break. Well, it's after winter break and we're still strangers in the hallway. And it was today that I realized that it was over and that I'm tired of being 'punched' in the face every time I see him in the hallway. But I needed closure, so tonight I texted him my final thoughts and he agreed. But even though I have the closure I want, why am I sitting in my room crying? I've never lost a friend so bitterly and violently! In the end, I know this happens all the time in "real life," and high school friendships are never really meant to last, and I hope I learn from this...But after that long-winded, overly detailed and nonsensically written back story I have one simple question: How to cope with losing a very dear friend?
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female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (12 January 2013):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Honey, what you can try to do is weed out all of these "fake" friends and replace them with positive ones that motivate you rather than exclude you. A true friend isn't someone that just gives up after you say something you don't agree with, that's a fake friend and you are better to have them out of your life now anyway. :)You're not wrong for moving on and it's harder for you because you actually tried. This is an example of an unhealthy friendship. Trust me, I've dealt with similar situations on numerous occasions and as much as it boggles me, I know there are better people out there for all of us.Don't let this one phase you and don't let him get to you, sweetie. He isn't worth all the fuss, besides him and his "group" all mock on other peoples faults... That is low on their behalf, NO one's perfect. I truly know you will find better people.. What you can do is do things YOU love to do, do not surround yourself with people you don't necessarily feel comfortable around. I know it would suck to pretend to laugh although you don't really want to. That's not worth it, when you find someone who does that, end the communication stat. Go to places you like and find people who accept you, the real you. Don't put on some act for that's how you gain true friendships, not short lived ones. I wish you all the best.
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