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How do you cope when you see someone your partner has slept with before? This is really bothering me. Help

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Question - (31 August 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2006)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

How do you cope when you see someone your partner has slept with before? I see them all the time, as there are lot's of girls my boyfriend has had one night stands with, and it kills me. I cause trouble with him or just ignore him after I've seen one of them because I can't get the images out of my head.

People will say "why does he tell you" but you can't blame him for that because I ask. I know it's weird but for some reason, I like to torture myself. He just wanted to be honest when we met so there could be nothing I could find out from anyone else.

I have nothing to be jealous of with these girls, their all not very pretty and obviously sleep around, so what's wrong with me? He loves me so much, but I can't help thinking about these experiences! This is taking over my life and it's like I'm obsessed with his past! Help!

View related questions: jealous, one night stand

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (1 September 2006):

Yos agony auntThis question comes up very frequently here. So know that you are not alone! Also know that the advice 'just get over it, the past is the past' doesn't seem to do it for them either. This is the longest set of responses, you might find some relevant:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html

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A female reader, Taija +, writes (1 September 2006):

Taija agony auntsweetie the past is the past the thing you have to concentrate on now is you and him they missed out on his love and your the lucky girl that gets to be loved by him. the good thing is that he was honest honesty is the key in all relationships. you are bound to see these girls and when you do just think to yourself ha i have his love they only got one night. think about you and your partners future not about his past it will tear you up. my partner still deals with his ex wife because they have kids and i just think you obviously didnt deserve him and i do so i do everything i possibly can to keep us both happy and keep our relationship strong. i hope this helped. good luck :o)

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A female reader, fe +, writes (1 September 2006):

Hi sweetie, well the key to all this,is like you said, they were all before you...everyone has some kind of past,remember you can't change the past, and stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet, deal with the present, keep it real sweetie. You have to work on your own self asteem,you sound like a very smart woman,who can become very strong as long as you don't wast your energy's on lashing out on these past events,like i said keep it real hun.Be possitive with all you do, stay real to yourself, you know what you've been doing is'nt healthy to yourself, treat yourself with respect, hold your head up when you see these gels,and smile ( be nice not bitchy )you are with this guy now not them, as i said thats past,live for the now. Thats why so many relationships break up, people ither live in tha past or predict the future..keep it real sweetie, you will become so strong.

peace & Love

Fe

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A female reader, fe +, writes (1 September 2006):

Hi sweetie, well the key to all this,is like you said, they were all before you...everyone has some kind of past,remember you can't change the past, and stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet, deal with the present, keep it real sweetie. You have to work on your own self asteem,you sound like a very smart woman,who can become very strong as long as you don't wast your energy's on lashing out on these past events,like i said keep it real hun.Be possitive with all you do, stay real to yourself, you know what you've been doing is'nt healthy to yourself, treat yourself with respect, hold your head up when you see these gels,and smile ( be nice not bitchy )you are with this guy now not them, as i said thats past,live for the now. Thats why so many relationships break up, people ither live in tha past or predict the future..keep it real sweetie, you will become so strong.

peace & Love

Fe

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