A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm bisexaul but I lean more towards females, I'm in a relationship that isn't working very well, my girlfriend has cheated on me multiple times and has once gotten pregnant, she told me it was rape.I really want to break up with her but I can't, but she constantly brings me down, she makes me feel like I can't acomplish anything. I recently met a girl who I am interested in but we are just friends, I would never cheat, and I don't think about doing it, I feel guilty about having feelings for my friend, but I feel like she flirts with me, Im pretty sure I know the signs of flirting and she has dated a girl before. She's always touching me, and I explained my vampire fetish ( nothing to do with twilight!) and now she always says she wants to bite me and be my vampire, I'm fairly shy and I tend to change the subject, but she won't talk to me when my girlfriends around, she says she's not afraid of her but I have my doubts. I really don't know what I should do. I can't break up with my girlfriend, when I feel powerful and get close she talks about dying without me and then other times I feel weak, and needy, i also want to persue my friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have not thought about cheating I've thought about leaving, and the rape was admitted as cheating, and the thing is we broke up before and she started drinking everynight and sleeping with different people and even though we weren't together it hurt a lot I became depressed and we had a lot of issues at that time. Eventually she told me no one would ever make her feel like I do I believed her, soon after she cheated on me again, and I was gone I felt imporwered I felt disgusted with her, but she called blocked caller and for the first two weeks I hadn't asnwered any and my father is the only other person who calls blocked so I picked up and she was drunk and crying, she told me she wanted to die and I agreed to meet and talk with her, I noticed a lot of cuts on her, I told her this needed to stop or I would call and get her help, she then turned everything around and made me feel low again and like I needed her. I'm scared for her well being and my for my friend.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Hun, she is trying the whole guilt trip on you, emotional blackmail!! She will not die without you, she will continue with her life and her lifestyle.
Furthermore, there sounds like a lack of trust within the relationship, which is not a good sign at all.
You need to firmly tell her it is over and there will never be a chance of reconciling, that it is over!! Expect all the tears and scenes and further threats of dying but this is all part of the emotional blackmail that your partner has been using on you.
Then move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): You need to pull the band-aid off and get out of this relationship. Be direct, be kind- but be firm. This relationship is not a relationship... she's playing you as a hostage.
Don't leave her hoping that you can get back together... go live your life, find your love and enjoy a healthy relationship.
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A
male
reader, conswalo wasabi  +, writes (20 January 2010):
If she has been cheating on you she obviously can not be trusted it sounds like you dont believe that is was rape. you could tell her that you want an open relationship. If she brings you down then she is not good for you.
You say that you have feelings for this friend and that you feel guilty but you say you dont think about cheating but i think if you have considered this then you have thought about it.
It sound like a good idea to persue your friend but it also sounds like you want to stay with your girlfriend as back up. When there seems like there is another option we think about what it would be like being with this other person and the relationship we are in seems worse than it actually is.
However i do believe that you would miss your girlfriend if you did get rid of her. Your both grown up i think you can kill three birds with one stone you can avoid cheating, breaking up and her threating to kill herself by having an open relationship
If she does not let you then tell her she has cheated on you and you were in a relationship you stood by her now it her turn to stand by you. Dont let her blackmail you because thats what it is if she says she will kill herself. Tell her she has to choices she can lose you or accept and open relationship.
Conswalo Wasabi
P.S Let me know how it goes
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A
female
reader, Spades +, writes (20 January 2010):
 I think your current girlfriend is counting on your feeling that way. If you are not happy in this relationship, you should bite the bullet and break up with her. Then you could pursue your friend guilt-free.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): How do you break up with someone who says they will die without you? The same way you break up with anyone, with compassion and conviction.
A part of you is flattered that she feels this way, but it is an illusion. She will not die without you, she will get on with her life and find someone else. She has found others while she was with you, so she truly has no problem being with others, she is emotionally bribing you and at the same time emotionally abusing you with her infidelities.
Just do it and find happiness with someone more mature that can commit in a relationship and can accept consequences if they don't :)
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