A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 8 months broke up with me around 6 months ago, because he thinks "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere...he's been thinking for a few weeks and that I am getting obsessed with the relationship...we havent seen each other for two weeks (he never initiated contact or minimally replied mine)" he was my first boyfriend, first guy I loved and I was devastated when he broke up with me. We met up one month after BU because I wanted my things back and he suggested getting drinks afterwards and caught up. Then we sorta remain in contact (asking the other where to get this or that, happy birthday message, holiday greetings, facebook...) , but never really caught up or meet up again. I ran into him once. He was the one who saw me and called out my name, I would say I was a bit awkward because I wasnt expecting it, I was with my friend.2 months ago (4 months post-BU), I started going to climbing groups, I knew my ex used to go to one of them, so I went to the other one. But back then I didnt know he also goes to the other one that I was going too. So now we would from time to time see each other at climbing events. I felt okay with it because I got friends there and I love going climbing and screw what my ex will think. The first time we were at the same event, he was the one to say hi first but that was it. The second time, he would come up to me before the event starts and catch up with me, after that we stick to our own friends there. Sometimes we would chat, but I seldom/barely be the one to say hi first and never be the one to start the conversation, if we talk, it would be him talking to me first. The only time I would be the one starting a conversation with him is when I run into him and drunk.Recently, I drunk texted him twice, it's not anything like "I miss you" or "I hate you", he would reply but I still feel embarrassed. At the climbing events, I didnt go say hi or talk to him he didnt really say anything to me either except at the end he would ask me if I m joining for food as it's what people in the group would do after climbing.It felt awkward and weird, or maybe I am just making it awkward myself? Sometimes I want to talk to him, but I felt awkward since he's with his friends (I know some of them and one or two people know we dated before)How do you act when you and your ex are in the same event?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): show up looking amazing..put a smile on your face and don't look in his direction..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): During the first few months after our breakup; I didn't go to old hangouts or places I even remotely felt where my ex would be. I wouldn't do anything to compromise my healing and recovery; nor breach no-contact.
I did nothing that would tempt me to.
I avoided events I had the least gut-feeling there wouldn't be a crowd large enough that I could easily blend into. I'm not spending good money to experience drama. I want my full money's worth. My attention would be on the event, not my ex.
When I go out alone or with friends, my mission is to have a good time. No-one is going to get in my way, and I will not subconsciously set myself up. Drunk-texting is telling him you aren't over him, and it strokes his ego knowing it.
Part of his deliberate "over-friendliness" is rubbing your nose in it. It's also to ease his own guilt.
It's a small world. If I should happen to run into my ex, I'm not going to put on any kind of act. I'll be polite and friendly; and just go about my business. I have life-long and many new friends; and no exes among them.
My life is drama-free as far as an ex is concerned. He has a right to go where he pleases and do whatever he wants to.
I have no right to do or say anything, to make him or myself uncomfortable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): I don't "act". If I see them I say hello and keep walking or make small talk and then keep walking.
It's just an ex, a bit awkward but no big deal. Just relax and enjoy the show. Try not to get too drunk either, if you think drunken texts are bad you really don't want to wake up a day after a drunken face to face with an ex.
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