A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you act graceful in the midst of a former flame? There was a man I was in love with a couple of years ago and now we will have to confront each other at an professional event.I know when we see each other there will be sparks again but I am dead set against being too friendly. The reason why we drifted apart was because I learned he had a tendency to be cavalier with women, as I found. In sight, there was a lot of chemistry but out of sight out of mind.What would you do?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 I am having the same situation occuring for me in August.
Here is the conversation I have worked out AND practiced. Since I will not be seeking him out, it will likely be he who comes up to me.
he-Hi XXX.
me-oh hi xxx, how are you?
he-I'm fine, how are you?
me-I am doing well, thank you.
he-what are you here for?
me-I'm doing an audit and I really should get back to it. But hey xxx, it's good to see you. (I'll turn to go but likely he will ask...)
he-are you mad at me?
me-no, I'm ok, everything's ok, hey take care now, I really need to get going.
I think if you come up with the scenarios in your head and try to act them out, say while driving in the car, that you'll do just fine. Be aware though that you will feel a little "let down" after but it's just the build up of stress and anxiety now being removed.
Of course in my situation and maybe yours too, the guy will avoid you like the plague because he will be feeling guilty and not want a confrontation or to deal with his feelings of inadequacy. Realize this might hurt you a little but just remember it's his issue, not yours. Hold your head up high. Breathe.
A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 You need to focus at the reason as to why you left this man and weigh the options of gettin too close and reviving what seems like flames tht will burn you.
It is normal for the sparks to stur up at the first sight of meeting him especially when this has been after a long period of time.
all you need to do is relax alot and when you are face-to-face with him, try avoiding those moments where there is connection eg. when he stares into your eyes, touches you, seats too close to you such that your attention is drawn from the event etc. You can do this very casually.
You need to relax alot and its not necessary for you to be overly anxious and talk too much that you end up not being intouch with your present.
call up someone who'se attending the same event and if luckily ths a person you're well acquinted with, have an 'arrangement' that he/she can sort of poke his/her nose in ur discussions when you and this guy are together.
but mainly wat needs to be at the back of your mind wether or not your left alone in the company of each other is the REASON as to why you left this dude..
all de best :-
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): So the guy likes to "play the field" as they say. You are wise to be cautious of him. I think this is an easy one. Be friendly but reserved and try to avoid situations where the two of you are alone.
If you want to show him that you don't need him and that you don't feel anything for him being reserved is an excellent place to start. I would even opt to treat him indifferently. Don't be unkind but don't give him the attention that you would if you were interested in him or what he was saying. Make conversation with everyone else. Treat him as if he is almost invisible.
It might realign his ego.
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A
female
reader, Miss twinzee  +, writes (13 July 2008):
Talk to your ex and let him know where you both stand so that then hopefully you can both learn in time to be able to be in the same room as eachother witn anything occuring
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (13 July 2008):
 Try to remind yourself that he's just another person that you might do business with. Try to keep the same proffesional distance you have with other people with him. To make this easy for you, try to take time and think about your behavior, speech pattern, and mannerisms when you have a proffesional relationship with someone. Try to revise the list many times to see if it's correct and accurate. When you meet the guy, try to keep in mind the things you do and practice them with him. The most important thing in here is to keep reminding yourself on seeing him as just another person, even when there are sparks.
You're a mature, proffesional woman, so it's most likely you will be able to pull this off. Just remember to see him as just another person, and good luck with your meeting with him!
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