A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI am due to get married in 3 months time and am getting anxious that me and my finace have different expectations about what marriage will mean to us. We have recently bought a house together, but I feel he is constantly testing the boundaries at the moment, and my feelings and opinions are ignored, and his decisions are the final decisions. When we talk, he says all the right things, but then we have a falling out again. Like tonight, he has gone out late with his friends without me. I was invited, but said, i wouldn't want to stay late, as I am godmother to my sisters baby tomo morning at christening. He just said, well I want to stay out late and went, no discussion. I'm confused, as don't expect this behaviour when we are getting married soon. Any advice on how to tackle disagreements before wedding would be appreciated.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Hi
Think he is pre warning you that he will not loose his freedom when he ties the knot with you, this is what THE REAL thing will be like...is this what you want..don't try and change him, he is who he is and marriage should not change someone. Not saying he is right but what you see is what you are gonna get.
I wish you luck whatever happens.
spunkey Monkey
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Well........this is the reason for getting engaged. Engagements are a time of testing, determining how serious you are about marriage and seeing how you will (or won't) "rub along together."
It's more intense and serious than just dating. After all, you're thinking about not just the next few months or a couple years, but the possibility and intent of spending the next ten, twenty, sixty years together.
Sure, divorces happen, but nobody marries (we would hope!) with the idea that "if it doesn't work out I'll just get a divorce." Divorces are not that easy, no matter how "amicable".
The other aunts here are absolutely correct: you would be well-advised not to go ahead with the wedding unless you can be sure you've worked these issues out to (both) your satisfaction.......
If need be, the house you're buying can be put up for sale -or rented out (unless one of you chooses to live there alone). For heavens sake, don't get married just because you've bought a house!! Get some pre-marital counselling before you plan the wedding, PLEASE!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Wow... you can't get married, this will lead to divorce..
You expect your husband to always tell you where he is going, and you probably expect to do most things together. You believe that two people become one.
He believes that he is still an independant person. He is an adult who shouldn't have to ask permission from his wife to go out, and he shouldn't be expected to discuss every single thing with her. He believes that marriage dosen't mean that we get rid of our own selves and our need to have space and different interests...
You can't get married to this man untill you come to some compromise. You talk as if you think his view is wrong, but for him you may sound controlling and suffocating... marriage with two such different people will eventually lead to failure.
You need to sit down and talk and find a way to compromise.. His views are not wrong and neither are yours, but you need to make up some rules about how you will approach married life.
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A
male
reader, Pazush  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Hi,
does he has any married friend?
hes friens might have Influence when it comes to commitment and marrige. usualy, men turn to think this is the end of their youth and old habbits with friends..
their friends might treat the occasion as a priority change that puts them off scene
you should make a statement about it, so he wont worry so much.
you might not noticed yourself being more stressed now before you marry which is also effects him.
talk about it, you should even go out with him and friends and make your statement infront of them in some covert way
invite them to your new house for a housewarming or for watching soccer- whatever, dont build distance between him and friends or you and his friends.
compile them into your life will be easier.
or as i like to look at those things, keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): hey,
sorry to say this but i think a wedding is possibly not the best option! sounds to me as if hes getting cold feet.. no offence, but why would you behave that way if you knew you were getting married?
i'd have a real think about this one if i were you.
good lucl
x
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