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male
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my gf for 15 months but we have started to grow apart. I love her and she loves me. We really want to stay together but don't know what to do, as this is out 1st serious relationship. Help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, emmylou +, writes (27 October 2005):
You haven't really given me much to go on! Age sometimes is important but not always. In what ways have you started to grow apart? Do you still have a good sex life? If that's what's wrong, i.e. it's boring - you can easily fix that...there are millions of books out there....talk to each other more or if that's a bit awkward (sometimes can be after the initial 'passion' has gone) then write down some ideas of what you'd both like to try and take turns in opening one and acting on one once a week or something. Try other non-sexual stuff - like massage, using food etc...
If you've grown apart in terms of interests then joining an evening class can be really fun to do together. Massage or painting or something - doesn't matter what it is, the fact is you'll be doing it together and will have something to talk about.
If you can afford it - go away for the weekend. Doesn't have to be fancy...camping or a youth hostel...if you normally stay in and just watch TV, then do something else - take a walk, visit the zoo.....rent and watch some corny movies and get ideas from there!
Both write a list of what attracted you to each other in the first place and then what you would miss about the other person if they were to leave.
Try and really work out if you still love each other, or if you just like the security of being in a relationship and are scared of being apart.
Do you live together? Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): YOu haven't told us how old either of you are. I am going to assume you are teenagers, because you say this is both of yours first serious relationship. You ask how to keep a relationship from being boring. The simple answer is don't be a bore! But, as usual, the simple answer is usually wrong, or at least not very right.
Share you interests with her, and take the time to share her interests with her. My second wife was a serious antiques collector, and had a regular route of shops, and farms she visited in Western Indiana every weekend. I could have stayed at home, and done other things on my own. I really didn't care one way or another about antiques. But I cared about her. So, I went with her whenever I did not have another commitment. I was there when she found her little treasures which she bought for pennies on the dollar as it related to their true value. I learned a lot about antiques from her. And, most of all, I was there when she was elated to have found her treasure. Hugs and kisses. She in turn went hunting with me, and was there when I bagged game, so that she could share my joy. She had always wanted to go hunting, but her father and brothers refused to let her go along with them. I taught her how to shoot, and how to hunt, and took her hunting. I introduced her to tracking game. She was very good as a student, and learned very quickly. She shot her first Canada Goose with me in S. Illinois. We were not bored. We did things together that other people don't do, and didn't give a whit what other people thought. We talked about sex with each other all day long, talking about what joy we felt last night, or this morning in the shower, or afterwards, and what we were planning to do to the other that night. We laughed all the time. We talked about other people- strangers we passed, speculating on the last time they had had sex. We had a great time, and people were always wondering why we were smiling all the time. Sex is adult play. Playing is having fun, not work. Fun is laughing and tickling, and teasing, and telling outrageous stories, or exaggerating facts, to amuse your lover. Its laughing about the mistakes, and the oops all couples suffer having sex, and the fun we had doing it over again to get it right! Does that give you any clues?
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