A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last year my brother adopted a wonderful 8 year old girl and she's fitting in very well with our family. Thing is, she's about to start my son's school and he had to do a life story project (with the help of an adult) two years ago when he was in the year she's going into in September. They had to go from the day they were born to the present. They only do a paragraph or two about each year of their life, but she doesn't know much about her life before being adopted and nearly all of the things she does remember aren't good. She doesn't have any decent photos either, so she's starting to get upset about it.I don't think the teacher would mind too much if she had a few years worth of things to put, but she only has a year and a half's worth of decent memories and they have to show the class.We don't know what to do because we can't change her past and we can't create baby photos of her. Any help would be appreciated, especially if you or someone you know has been through this either as the parent or the child with no proper history.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): Talk with the teacher. Maybe she could write about a few events over the last two years. Maybe the earlier years could be just a few facts. Like: where she was born, then: where she lived, then something she liked to do or see, then something about how she looked, then, one of her favourite foods. Maybe the photos could be of places she has been or the food she likes to eat. I think it would be good she still participates and feels included. I think her past needs to be held in a positive light for her in some way, even it if is all about how it lead her to be with her family now who love her. Or, how happy your family is now to have her in your family. I suggest any questions from other children are honest: "I don't remember anything from before I was six, and I was adopted into my family when I was six." Her life story is different to most, but don't allow her to feel ashamed of it. but rather, to feel special and loved.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 Talk to her teacher.
And suggest to your brother that he TALKS to her about not HAVING to do this. She is 8, and shouldn't b stressed out about this.
That they can make the presentation about WHERE she came from? (as opposed to whom) Find pictures on the Internet. The presentation can be about HER as she is now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): I would ask her if she wants to take part in the project. If she does not then don't make her. Talk to the teacher and explain she has been adopted and the memories aren't the best when she was little. Also the day the presentation is due ask if could come in late so she doesn't feel uncomfortable sitting in a class with other while they tell everyone about their life. If she says she does, then I would ask the teacher what she can do as she hasn't got a lot of good things to tell about but still wants to take part.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 March 2014):
 I would ask the teacher or head to not include her in this.
They surely can't 'make' her do it, its upsetting for her already and its not until September.
Diverting her instead of her dwelling on it would help, making it sound like its no big deal.
Could be the staff have had this situation before and a plan for getting round it, they are the ones to approach and a chat to the adoption agency might help too - the professionals know their jobs.
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