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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've recently started my first relationship since my marriage broke up and it's with a guy who I began working with last year. At the time I met him, my marriage was strong and then we started to fight more and more until I couldn't stand being in the same room as him and we parted. We have no children and the actual split was friendly. We aren't yet divorced but we have spoken about it.During this time my new boyfriend was also having relationship trouble as his girlfriend had cheated on him and he wanted to end the relationship but she refused to let go. I'm not 100% on the details but it was a messy break up. We had worked together for about 5-6 months at this point although we were work friends we weren't friends as in out side work friends. Then when I started to stop wearing my wedding ring he noticed and I ended up opening up to him and he opened up to me.It's only in the past few months that anything has happened. Yes, we flirted but I think it just gave us confidence and we have had a few drunken kisses before we actually dated. While we got closer rumours started to spread at work that we were together and it made it difficult for us as at the time we were just friends. It seemed to be that when we walked into the room it went quiet and people were always asking questions about the other. Some of our coworkers said some unfair things and it caused a few rows. Now we are actually seeing each other I'm worried that either it will start afresh with the problems or people will just believe that we lied to them and we were cheating on our partners when our relationships broke down. I love my job and I have been there since I was 17. My boyfriend says he will go elsewhere but it's not going to stop things happening so I'm stuck with what to do. Any advice?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2015): Let gossipers get on with their sad little minded lives, I would not give them any space in your thoughts.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (4 October 2015):
 If your marriage is truly beyond repair, then officially filing for - and getting - a divorce would be a huge step in the right direction. Unfortunately, your current situation (still legally married to one man while involved with another) gives those who are inclined to gossip about you plenty of material to work with. As long as you are "together" with someone other than your lawfully wedded husband, many people will consider your behavior to be cheating by default whether you, your estranged husband, and your new partner agree with that assessment or not. Like it or not, that is the sort of thing people with otherwise boring lives love to gossip about.
Other than that, make sure you are professional with him at work (no PDA!) and above all don't make any hasty decisions. Don't leave a job you like over other people's pettiness. Sooner or later they will have new drama in their own lives, or someone else's, on which to focus their attention, and your situation will fade into the background.
Good luck and best wishes moving forward!
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (4 October 2015):
Hey there,I guess the most important thing to learn from this is that you should just let go of others' gossip. You really can't control what any other person thinks, and it shouldn't get in the way of your happiness. People will say what they want to say, isn't it? What can you do? Is it possible to go up to each person and tell them - hey! we were actually friends at that time. It isn't possible, moreover, you don't owe anyone else an explanation!I would suggest just focussing on your work *completely* when you are in the office. You'll notice that you automatically stop paying attention to other people's words when all your focus is on your work. That includes not being very touchy-feely or flirtatious with your boyfriend, during work hours (if by any chance you are).Finally, if you think that all this gossip is getting in the way of your work, and it is hampering your productivity, I suggest that you might want to talk to some senior co-worker or even your boss, for advice. In the worse case scenario, you could always apply for a similar job profile in another company - I know you love your work in the current job, but sometimes a change can be very good for you.*However*, there could be another way too. I, personally, I went through something a little similar to your situation. My boyfriend was in another relationship at the time, but a few months after he broke up with his then-girlfriend, we started seeing each other. Plus, we work together. Initially, I used to feel very uncomfortable even talking to him during work hours, because I was always worrying about what others would be saying seeing both of us together - that I might have come in the way of his former relationship (which was not true), blah blah. People might have talked, I don't know. But it's been years since that time, and I know that now, people couldn't care less. And even if they did, it really doesn't matter to me.So it could just be a matter of time for you too. Just leave it for a few months, and then you'll see that people will find another topic to talk about eventually. If your relationship with this person is stable, then they really won't have anything to talk about anyway. So don't worry about it. Focus on work, and do your thing :)Wishing you the best.
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