A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this girl for almost five months. Before her i was in an abusive relationship with someone else who constantly put me down and made me the most insecure person in the world. My current girlfriend and i have just recently been fighting. we never fought before. now it seems like we fight a lot. we both realize most of the fights are over nothing too. i want to talk about the problem and she doesnt and i think thats where most of the issues lay. today she said it was a busy morning and she didnt want to talk about it. i knew something was wrong and just wanted her to talk to me about it or tell me what was bothering her because i was under the impression that it was me that was wrong. she started ignoring my texts so i began to call. and call. and call. she ignored every one of my calls and texts. she texted me stop. thats all. then said that i just messed up. i asked then if it was over between us. she said no but i still feel like it might be. i need some advice as to where to go from here. if its not over, how do i make it up to her, what do i say to her next, how do i show her i will change and how do i change? i cant have this relationship end. how do i get out of this rough patch we've hit? help please..
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female
reader, angel_of_luv  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 why has she become distant with you? She needs to tell you what the problem is before you can sort it out.
Unless she tells you what is on her mind...this problem will continue to grow and cause constant friction.
I think you need to stop calling her though and constantly texting as that may also be what is getting on her nerves and is a sign to me that you feed constant need of security from her that everything is going to be ok to make you feel secure, which i think stems from your relationship before where you talk about feeling insecure.
My advice really is to ask her what she is upset about and why she feels she cant confide in you and tell you what the problem is. Good luck :-)
A
female
reader, scarlet03 +, writes (26 September 2010):
Most the time in fights the problem is the guy always wants to talk about everything all at once and force the girl to say something. It takes women time to think of why they are mad or what to say so when we say give us some time you better give us time or we are going to get really mad then just not talk at all.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (26 September 2010):
 Communication is the key, or so we're all told. I say communication + timing is the key.
In a nutshell, right now you are bugging her. Your insecurity from your previous abusive relationship is the driving force behind your present actions and you have to see that. Of course you want her to talk to her so you can put things right but bombarding her with texts/calls is not giving her time to think about the real issues in your relationship. Right now she is dealing with your constant texts and calls and nothing else.
Give her space and time. I know that will be hard for you and your anxiety levels will probably rocket but she will come to you in her own time and hopefully you guys will be able to talk things through.
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