A
female
age
36-40,
*ary
writes:My husband and his ex wife just found out that theyre 14yr old daughter has been ditching school,smoking weed and having sex w/ a 18 yr old.When all this came to light I finally spoke out letting them know how this lil girl has no manners bad behaved and that the mom needs to stop using the shes a teenager excuse.We dont really know what to do w/ this girl at this point and im in desperate need of advise because I do love and care about his kids and not only that but Im due on May 31 for our twins.Please we need HELP w/ her b4 it gets any worst.We got the police involved already for the 18yr old guy cus he knew she was only 14.Theyre plans were to get her out of school and be home schooled but what after that? Pls any advice will be good. Thank You
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female
reader, kary +, writes (14 May 2011):
kary is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice I will try my best to get this solved.My husband is not her biological father and she knows this.Her mom put her in therapy when she was a younger age about this situation.He has always been there for her regardless of the fact that he does have a younger child with his ex wife (her half/sister).To him she is his daughter and will do anything for her and she knows this.Before we decided to have kids she would ask us when were we going to have a baby and i know that she is feeling a little resentful right now about it.I'm younger than my husband. He is 36 and I am 23.The girls do love me as much as I love them and because I am younger her mom has always told her that if she needed certain advice she can come to me since I was closer to her age.I was raised not by being beaten or yelled at all the time but my dad was as strict as he was fun so we knew better.This girl is just being very manipulative and I hate that because they fall for it.I don't agree with the whole beating of people's children by the parents but all this talking is not working.She convinced them to send her back to school and she ended up ditching again.She plays them stupid so easy.It hasnt been that long since I was a teenager so I knonw how it all goes down. I never did anything like what she's doing because I actually had my parents onto me all the time.Thats why I blame them, all that she didn't have, such as a father is just an excuse as is the whole teenager stage.Kids will only do as much as you let them do and that smart mouth of her should've been dealt with a long time ago.But sadly they waited until the this late stage and honestly as much as I love her I'm caring less and less because if she's not getting it and they're not getting it, I can only do and say so much.Parents never like other people to tell them how to raise their kids and I have my own coming SOON.I really don't know what to do.Please feel free to reply even if it's harsh advice because i know some of the things i've thought about this are a bit harsh too.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Well her mother is right she is just being a teenager who is rebelling. Was she spoilt when she was growing up? I guess there is no quick fix to this problem with her but I think the best thing that can be done is for her mother and father to both sit her down and talk to her about this. Sometimes parents get carried away and shout at there children and try and solve the issue that way, but it doesnt work it only makes a child rebel more. Children at the age of 14 like to think that they are adults. So sometimes it is better for parents to treat there child like this. Tell them to sit down and talk to her no shouting just conversation. Get them to ask her why she is ditching school, there might be an underlying issue here. She might be getting bullied or else she might just be trying to act cool in front of her friends. But they need to try and understand why she is doing it. Get them to talk to her about her education. Ask her what she wants to be when she leaves school and make her see that she will need her education and that she wont get it if she keeps ditching. Maybe get the school principal to talk to her and tell her that she will be expelled from school if she is caught doing it again.As for smoking weed. Again I guess she has just got in with the wrong crowd at school. Again calmly they should talk to her about this. Get them to research on the internet about all the effects that weed have on people, get them to print it out and show her. It might shock her when she realises what it is doing to her body. Ask them not to tell her what to do but to make her realise the concequences of her decisions.As for having sex with an 18 year old well yes this is illegal. Again they need to make it clear to her that her boyfriend may end up in jail if she keeps having sex with him. But again I guess there is not a lot they can do here again, especially if the police have already been involved. I guess they just need to talk to her like a grown up and ask her if she is being safe and careful and make sure that she is aware of all the infections that she can get never mind end up pregnant.As for the home schooling, if I am honest I think this is the worst idea ever. Cutting her off from the world is just going to make her rebel against her parents even further and it will leave her with no friends and no social life. Its not a good idea she will end up hating her parents for it. Hope this has helped even in the smallest.
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