A
male
age
41-50,
*adMan76
writes:Hello all :-)Asking you guys again since you were so helpful to me last time I needed advice and someone to talk to. (See: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-leave-a-10-year-relationship-or.html)Basically, I'm trying to return to the 'dating market' after a long relationship. But I don't know how to get to know women (even if just superficially).There is a urge within me to have a family, children of my own. Now my dilemma is how to find a lady to love, have kids with, grow old ... and perhaps to hold my hand when I die.But for this, she needs still to be young enough to have children. Over 40 is probably too old.Now my question is: how do we get in touch with women in 2021? What is the appropriate, non-intrusive way?What I have tried (or considered)...* Online dating: all dating apps have filters for women to weed out men in their 40s and older. Also, I am cautious about having personal information and photos given to big companies (like facebook, google or match group). Did try swiping on one of the apps but after two months of daily swiping I had no matches.* Work: I work in tech. There are no women in tech. My company has three female employees, all married.* Activities: Tried joining language classes, associations for my hobbies, and hiking groups. Did meet a woman in the language class I enjoyed talking with, but she was too young to pursue. There were other women too, but either married or over 50.* Daytime approaches of women on the street, stores, cafes etc is creepy. The three times I tried, they ignored my existence, just no response. A woman in a coffee shop got up and changed her seat to get another one as far away from me as possible. Approaching is embarasing and makes innocent women feel uncomfortable.* Nightime approaches in clubs and bars. Tried three-four bars, when they were open for a while. None of them had unaccompanied women. And even if there were one ... likely go like the day pickup attempts. And the kind of woman I'd like to meet is likely not going to bars (especially at age 30+).* Friends: I am in a 'new' country with only a few friends. The few I have are guys my age or older, and know no young single women to introduce (or deem me not worthy of introducing hah).There is no end of youtube videos teaching how to screen for red flags in a person you are dating. Not even looking for a date, just a brief conversation to determine if there is something in common. What do single women do to meet men? Where do they go?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SadMan76 +, writes (9 April 2021):
SadMan76 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@kenny,thank you for the answer. Going to continue with the language classes, even if I am not that thrilled about learning the language anymore. Interest in these classes has declined, possibly many who take those classes doing it for purpose/hope of studying or traveling abroad, which is not a great idea for the time being.You are also spot on right about "desperation". I feel I am getting older, not getting any dates, and time running out from me. I am in my mid 40s! Statistically less than 1% of men who had no kids at age 46 will have any in their lives. When interviewing men in their 60s and 70s who never had kids, most say it is because they were unable to meet a woman.@anonymous female readerThank you. You might be right about me being "calculated". Thinking about this a lot, in fact all the time. It is not healthy, it interferes with my job even :-(Dancing is an interesting idea. Had thought of that. Thank you.There was a misunderstanding about the word innocent I think. What I ment was that a woman is innocent since she has not wronged me in any way, and did not deserve to be creeped out by me. Maybe my English was not good enough to find a better word for this. :-(Was not intending to be judgemental about bars. I hate them. Visited a few in the last year out of 'desperation' pretty much. Somehow I have the impression that women's dating problem is not about meeting a man, it is about meeting a good enough man. A few swipes online would yield better results than a visit to a bar.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2021): HiSometimes it appears that people want their relationships to be almost like buying a product off a shelf, with a guarantee, a list of what the product does well, with a red flag warning hazard sign and sell by date. People are not products yet market themselves to eligible bidders. Sorry but I just don't do shopping lists, I leave it to nature and common sense.One point I would like to mention is where you say''Approaching is embarrassing and makes innocent women feel uncomfortable''. 'This whole notion of what you believe as innocence is judgmental, and certainly will limit your dating possibilities. So if a woman actually kindly responds because she has good manners or is friendly rather than standoffish, you already judge her as NOT INNOCENT. Your setting unrealistic demands and creating a love story romance out of somebody holding your hand at death, who say's you will be the first to push up the daisy's? We can not control everything in life.Although I understand your dilemma's and do hope things work out for you, but you do sound very formal and calculated. Maybe start by viewing relationships in a non technical way and try relaxing and see what the universe brings to you. Try dancing and this is a good place to start to learn to relax and meet people from all walks of life. Please try not to judge people too much and come to conclusions about women's characters who are in bars at 30+. You know nothing about their characters or life and are cheeky the fact that YOU are in the bar as well, double standards here.Why not try any century, love is love and needs no time.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (5 April 2021):
 Not sure of what country you are in, but getting out and meeting someone in the conventional way has been rather difficult for the best part of a year now due to COVID restrictions and implementations impeding us from getting out.
For this reason there has been a huge surge in internet dating, people trying it who otherwise probably would not have tried it had it not been for COVID.
Personally i'm not a fan of internet dating, i'm not dissing it by any means, because i know of some people that have met online and are very happy together.
You ask for what is the most non intrusive appropriate way to meet women in 2021?.
The list of the things have listed that you have tried is pretty much all the best way's to meet someone, and most of the answers you recieve here on DC will probably tell you these are a good idea as well.
The one that you had the most success in was the language class. Put yourself down for more classes. Just because one was to young, and the others two old, or married shoulden't be classed as a set back. You just got to get out there, keep trying, and believe that you will indeed meet the one you will want to settle down with.
I also think if your trying to hard, or are desperate to meet someone then these vibes can be felt by the opposite sex and often be very off putting.
Be happy in yourself, in your own skin, and get out there and have fun with it all not being in a mad rush to meet someone.
I always found that i actually met more people when i stopped looking. But then i'm a great believer that we meet our potential life partner when we least expect it.
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