A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok! where to begin. i've been seeing my boyfriend for 5 n half years. like every relationship we've had our ups n downs, nothin too major, just silly little things really. for the last 2 months something hasn't been right, i kept askin him what was goin on and he kept tellin me we were fine nothing was wrong until 3 weeks ago he blurts out that he's not sure about us anymore, he loves me and doesnt want to lose me but he doesnt feel the same for me quite like he used. we were going to buy a house together this year(but we dont yet live together) and he said in work one night all the thoughts of being trapped then with me n a house when he's not sure about us made him have a panic attack. tells me the reason he kept it to himself for so long was he thought those feelings would go away and he was tryin to protect me, didnt want to hurt me when he believed these feelings would eventually go away, it was the panic attck that made him come clean. but for the last 3 weeks something still didnt feel quite right(we decided to try again to get us back to how we once were) and i asked was there someone else etc all the usual. he said no. until last night again more revelations. he been talkin to some woman online. he says there nothin more than friendship there that he only talkin to her a few weeks. said she's fresh and interesting and when i asked was she pretty he said she's nice!! and he didnt tell her he has a girlfriend, now she lives halfway round the world but i feel like my hearts been ripped out that he'd need to find comfort n friendship like that whilst we had problems. we talked for hours. he says he loves me, thinks he's still in love with me. wants to make another go at us. hates himself for seeing the pain he caused me and thats why he withheld tellin me bout this woman he talks to because he was afraid of causing me more pain. i love him, more than anything. up until this we've had really good relationship, we prioritise date nights, we'd always talk, make a lot of time for us. and now it seems this routine has bored him and made him doubt if he even wants me. i dont know what to do...he wants to try but what if he never changes his mind or how long til i know or he knows. i want him to be happy and hope that'l be with me but i dunno how to do it. he's broken my trust and my heart and i know in time i'll forgive him for that because i love him but right now my concern is how do we get back that old feeling. they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? do we take a break? take a trip some weekend? i'd appreciate any advice anyone may have. thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): I really think a break at this point in time is essentially. It is evident that he still loves you and cares about you. May be a little time apart might do some good. It takes immense amount courage to forgive someone and trust them again once something of this sort has happened. And this being said after a personal experience with a boyfriend of 5 and a half years! Talk to him and ask him what he wants to do about it. If he genuinely cares about making this work, he will do all that is in his power to make it work. Or else it is just better to move on.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I think you need to inject the fun factor back in to the relationship. Yeah he has broke your trust but luckily he came clean to you. He may have took his time but he done the right thing and he wasn't a coward about it. It is a huge step buying a house together and this sent him in to panic mode where he didn't know what he wanted. I do believe he still loves you he is just confused at the moment.
What do you both enjoy doing? I would suggest a fun weekend away somewhere that allows you both to have fun and have a laugh. It can be a make or break weekend. Head away somewhere try and have fun and see where it takes the both of you. If after that there are still some doubts then maybe taking a months break away from each other would be the best thing to do to see how you both feel apart, but this will only work if there is no contact between the both of you and you both agree not to see other people until you talk about things after the month. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): hai there,
i can see its a hard situation for you.But males are generally afraid of taking responsibilities and commitments.They take more time to mature and realize the importance of having good relationship or partner.Give him time.Dont put pressure on him.Take a break and see how things move.You deserve a guy who loves the way you love him.Try to be like a friend to him till he agrees to have serious relationship.
Breaking with him does not mean you give away his friendship.you can still be good friends.
bye
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