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female
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anonymous
writes: What is the best thing to do or say after a quarrel in a marriage and how best can arguments be presented without having to fight? My husband has difficulties saying I love you or I am sorry. Does it mean he doesnt love me?How best can I get my husband to do romantic things, like gifts, flowers hugs and kisses? He feels it's childish and doesn't want to do that.
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female
reader, ANGELS66  +, writes (23 October 2005):
 The best thing I feel you can do is to:
First take a walk and cool off. You can do this even in the middle of an argument as well it will not only give you time to cool off , but after you both cool off , you will be able to discuss things calmly. A way to discuss things calmly is not to put blame soley on your spouse ,talk calmly and rationally don't raise your voices and like I said before if the disscussion starts to become heated take a break right then and there tell your spouse we need to take a break so we can discuss this calmly and reslove
the(ese) issues. Take that walk (separtaly) and when you get back apologise weither your at fault or not say something like:
I'm sorry we agrued ,now that we have both calmed down can we try discussing this again.
My husband has difficulties apologizing as well ,as least verbally I find he does things around the house etc. after a dissagrement and have learned over time that this is his way of apologizing. And he doesn't always say I love you, out loud but more often in things he does for me and again around our home. NO, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, I'm sure he does. Maybe he didn't grow up in a home that said I love you out loud.
The best way to get your hubby is to start by doing those romantic things first. Maybe if He sees you doing it and sees that it's not childish but indeed romantic and loving he will want to pick up on it too!
A
female
reader, FlowerFaerie +, writes (23 October 2005):
Explain to your husband that it is important for you to be made to feel special and important to him. Romance is an important part of the relationship to keep alive.
Some men do have trouble expessing their emotions but it doesn't mean that they are not there.
Start witht the simple things, ask if he will say when he appreciates you. Even if its just a thank you for making him a cup of tea. He will realise that there is no harm in being nice.
To get the spark back, why not go out and do things you used to do when you started seeing each other? Go to the places you have happy memories of and remind him of them. Hopefully the love will be refreshed and he will more than happily tell you!
Good luck, and try to have fun with him again xSx
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