A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and dating my bf for almost 2 yrs now. We get along really well and I know we are a good match. He is also my first boyfriend ever. On the other hand, my boyfriend (25) has been through a divorce but had only slept with his ex-wife. My boyfriend is the only one I have fallen in love with (not counting have crushes on boys). My boyfriend said he did love his ex-wife before, but now since she cheated on him, he is just treating her with politeness. Sometimes I’m afraid he will be affected from past experience or will remind himself of her when he’s with me. How do people really get over a girl who he has love in the past? I know I’m different than her, but it still bugs me when I think whether he has done certain things with her in the past which he is now doing it with me.
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (1 March 2007):
People usually get over previous relationships by learning what went wrong with them, and seeking to avoid making the same mistakes again.
However, there are always good aspects to previous relationships and he will want to do those good things again, this time with you, and doing it with you will be different.
There are also things that simply won't have occured in his previous relationship, things about you that make it new and special, and things he treausres.
Don't obsess about his previous relationship - its over, and anyway there is nothing you can do to change it.
Instead, focus on enjoying the relationship you have with him and building on that.
A
male
reader, R71 +, writes (1 March 2007):
That is a sweet and heartfelt question.Dealing with each others pasts is a big part of a relationship and indicates that the relationship is maturing. It is important to realise that his past is real and unchangeable. Only through talking out his experiences with her will you really learn his true feelings and whether he is over her enough for you.
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