A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick question. How do I move on from a relationship when the person I love cant be with me?We were together for nearly 2 years and have always been very close although we have had arguments about our situation. Its breaking his heart too, I can see it in his eyes and the way he is with me too. I wont go into the situation we are in because I am not strong enough emotionally for the backlash (all though I know most aunts wont be like that). I have pretty much been judging myself all the time.How can two people move on if they are still in love but cannot be together because of things like religion, incompatability, one of the parties being married?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): i am not judging you but you need to face reality. he is married. you have been the other woman in his marriage for 2 years now. if he really wanted to be with you there would be no stopping him from leavng his wife. sadly you too have fallen into the married mans syndrome - they claim their don't love their wives, they don't hae sex wih their wives, they stay for the kids. the list goes on. and the lies continues.
they stay because they want to. thay stay because they have made a choice. they stay because they want stability and love and warmth and nurturing FROM THEIR WIVES. this is the truth and no amount of blindsighting will change this.
i think you want to believe that you two are sooooooo in love with each other. the same lieing eyes that has lied to his wife is now lying to you. i just hope you have more self respect for yourself and you are still not sleeping with him. you see he may be getting it from you but he is also giving it to his wife. what mistresses just do not get is this- if their married lover is not giving it to his wife then who is? something to think about. you have been wrong to start an affair with this married man. you should have known this right from the start and yes although you had hoped that he would leave his wife for you, the reality is he did not - simply because he choose not to. one other thing that you need to know- married men (and women too) are selfish, they want their bit on the side but they are unwilling to end it with their apouses. they use every and all excuses they can find to not call it quits. i think your lover has also done just that. if he truely wanted to be with you he would have. i think you are strong enough to realise this. fact facts please- he choose his wife and not you. so yes, mourn what you both had, admit that it was wrong of you in the first place to start this affair. admit that he did not cheat on you but he cheated on his wife with you. you were the third party here, the intruder.
whatever this man is feeling is certainly not this "great love" you are seeing in his eyes. its time to move on. put yourself in his wifes shoes. what would you have done? realise this as well -she too is mourning the intrusion in her marriage, the loss of affection from her husband. the only person unscath from all this is the man of course. i think if you try to seperate emotions and fact you would see your solution staring at you. this situation was created and he has uncreated it by choosing his wife over you. simple. no drama. yes it hurts like hell but at least you are lucky. you still have the rest of your life. just not with him.
yet again i say i am not judging you . i am just saying keep things in perspective. no drama. see the facts for what it is. remember those same eyes you are looking deep into are the same lying eyes his wife has had to look into as well. speaks volumes of old blue eyes, doesn't it. i agree with the other anon reader "All you see in his eyes is regret that he wont be getting free sex". so please you have been fooled for 2 years, please now choose to end this vicious cycle and choose freedom from him and choose morality and dignity and integrity for you. married men are only trouble and they just get on with their merry lives after their affairs end.............the vicious cycle continues.
be strong and yes, the hurting will stop one day. and the day this man has no power over you is the day you will start reliving again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): If he's married and still with his wife and made no move to divorce her to be with you.... well then you were wasting your time.
All you see in his eyes is regret that he wont be getting free sex.....
But rest assured that in a couple of months he will be spinning his tales to a new lady....
I am sure you weren't his first and you certainly wont be he last.
Take time out and do things you want to do for yourself, its over and now is the time for you to keep busy with friends and family and over time it will get easier.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Sorry but if there's a will there's a way. Sounds like your relationship is a tad one-sided if the married party won't separate themself from the marriage.
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