A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if anyone can help but i'm just looking for a bit of hope. Ive recently found myself single again after a very hopeful relationship. I'm devastated, although we had our problems it was basically a v good relationship. This man was the only man I have ever really trusted and i find it very hard to open up generally.I just wondered if any aunts out there have found relationships difficult or have been left but have then gone on to find love and a good relationship later in life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Hi
To put it simply yes it is possible to find love again after a breack up, thousands do every day.
My experience is that I am 37, female, and split up from my husband of 11yrs in November 08( he admitted he was having an affair for 3yrs...god, i felt so stupid that i hadnt seen it coming his first marriage had ended due to affairs) I know we had some difficulties what couple doesnt?but had not expected this!I thought he loved me. He told me he didnt.
I had spent the last few years in & out of hospital with womens troubles and ended up having to have a hysterectomy, we had two children of our own and he had 2 from a previous marriage, so we thought our family was complete and opted for surgery( maybe this sealed it for him? He left me after I was signed off from the hospital 5months after surgery.
I begged him to stay but he wouldnt, he moved in with her but after a few weeks she said she couldnt live with him and he left her too.
the problem was that a week or so after he first left i was chatting to a friend on facebook and received a message from a man who went to school with my brother. we had got to talking to each other quite a bit and i had met him at the start of december. We got on so well he made me laugh with no strings or pushiness. He had admitted that he hoped something might happen between us( there was a spark but i was dubious not to jump in)so we agreed to be friends, nothing more but i could see he was falling for me.
however my husband came to see me boxing day and said he had been a fool, I took him back.the very next morning I asked him when he was leaving. he left that day and was going back to the woman he had the affair with.I realise it was stupid to expect that he was genuine.He has now moved in with someone new(his fifth GF since he left )
Truth was that when i asked my husband to come back after christmas I had broken this other mans heart. I had ruined what had been developing into something wonderful.
The new year came and went without speaking to this new man.I hurt so much. I couldnt believe how much it hurt not to just talk to him.
So i went online and sent him a message...he replied. God It was so good just to get a message from him!! we started talking to each other again and I told him what had happened with my husband. He didnt judge me at all and understood why i felt i had to try to patch things up. A week later I sent him a message asking if he would like to come round for a chat instead of over the net.
He came round and i looked at him and just melted. I asked him if he would like to go on a date and in a second he had thrown his arms round me and could not stop kissing me!!
That was in January 09.
My divorce was final in May.
The very next day My Boyfriend went to see My parents and asked their permission to marry me.
I write this as i am staring at my engagement ring thinking that this has been a whirlwind,and that some people will say this will not last.
The truth is My fiance has shown me what life SHOULD be like when two people truly love and respect each other and its so wonderful I cant stop saying it!!
Not everyone should assume they will meet someone new so soon, but just to let you know, it CAN happen.
Never give up on Love and it wont give up on you.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Oh I am sorry original poster, I actually was adressing the female anonymous poster below me who had stated she had cheated on her man 9 months aqo. Sorry for that confusion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): I was the question asker - There was no cheating involved (well not on my part)
I'm not sure how I gave that impression.
Although I dont know if me holding back and not trusting caused him to behave that way with me
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (28 July 2009):
Female Anonymous,
I will commend you for at least recognizing that cheating has its consequences. You probably know that I am notoriously brutal on anyone that is a cheater, but I am going to go out on a limb and say you are the first person Ive seen on this site in two years that has put it into those terms, and whom has actually admitted to taking the other person for granted. That in itself is a huge step Ive never seen before here.
I think at least you know in your heart that even you didn't come out of it unscathed. And maybe down the road you will be able to apply the lesson that you learned to your next relationship. So maybe for you some good will come out of it in the end.
I know those words probably seem hollow to you coming from somebody like me, but give yourself credit for being able to admit your shortcomings in the past. You actually have taken your first real step in moving forward, even if you don't see it, for you are the first cheater Ive ever seen here to not pay lipservice to remorse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): I cheated on my boyfriend of two years 9 months ago, and was under the false belief i could walk over him and he would always find his way back to me. I still miss him,cant meet anybody else,if only for not wanting to. I blamed him at first,now i know,i just want him home. I never ask about him as it would be worse knowing he`s got some girl who knows how to treat him and i learned the hard way. Maybe there is another relationship,dont care too much about that,i just want him back.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (28 July 2009):
I had what I thought was a good thing end when my Fiance cheated on me three weeks before the wedding. I didnt trust a female or have anything other than casual encounters or short term FWBs for the next 20 years. Then I thought I found the one.
The applicable term for me is "I thought".
It took me 20 years to be able to trust a woman enough, only to have it happen to me again. It has taken me close to two years to truly heal myself after her. So I am back to just casually dating as I will never again trust a female as far as I can throw one. I simply do not want to put myself out there and risk having my heart ripped apart again through no fault of my own.
Of course I am sure I am missing out on that "one in a million" partner. But I look at it this way:
If there are 6.8 billion people in the world, there are 6800 of those "one in a million" people running around on this planet for each of us. So eventually I will find her, but Im not holding my breath.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Its possible to trust and its possible to love gain, definitely.
Ultimately you have to trust yourself again, trust how you feel and go with that. You cannot carry out "tests " on prospective partners you have to relax and go with the flow and make sure its working for you.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (28 July 2009):
Its hard to trust, especially after a bad experiance. Your supposed to learn from the past not let it dictate your future. Everyones different in how they handle relationships and break ups i dint believe theres a set way of right or wrong in getting over it, its how you as a person deals with it that really counts.
Its hard to believe now and sometimes you dont want to believe it but you will find love again, maybe not straight away itll take time but you will. Remeber that your new relationship wont be the same as the last, they are each indivdually unique.
People do find it hard to trust but thats one of the main qualities of a relationship, you need that if you want to move forward, get to know your new partner more and then let your guard down, dont sheild yourself from happiness through the fault of another. Some things we cant control but what we can we should, get a clear mind and focus on whats important.
Best of luck
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