A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I could do with some advice regarding my situation with my now ex boyfriend. We broke up because he just couldn't stop lying to me and in the end it became out of control and I ended it. Today we got into a row as I once again found out yet another lie he'd told regarding my child- it soon turned nasty and he began calling my child allsorts of nasty names, telling me there was no hope for my child as there's no displine, and all they will amount to is a 'scum on the dole'.Needless to say I am furious about this and have sent him to stay in a homeless shelter as I can't bare to look at him.I know my child is nothing of the sort and I am trying to break through this rage I've found myself in. I feel so angry inside I could scream. I don't want my ex back, however before he came out with all this foul mouthed nonsense I really considered giving him another chance.How do I get through this rage and how will I get over my ex? We were together 4 years and he really was the love of my life. We were very happy and could tell each other anything. I honestly believed he was my soulmate but how could such a loving person turn out to be so cold and heartless? How could he turn out to be such a bully? Naturally I am 100% behind my child and will never think of taking him back but it doesn't stop my anger and hurt. Especially as he keeps pestering me to take him back. Sorry for the long story but I'm eager for some outside opinions. Thankyou to all respondants
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): You get over it by stop being a sap. Sorry OP but you are. Now I agree with Auntybimbim but you and I both know you're not going to cut all contact with "the love of your life" and "soul mate" you like this game or you wouldn't be playing it. You wouldn't have your ex in your house, he wouldn't have had a chance to say those things because he'd be gone.
The only person you can be angry at is you for tolerating this shit and for the shit both of us know you're going to take from him in the future because you won't let go.
So that's that OP this rage will never leave you while he's in your life so what are you going to do about it huh? You going to keep him around as a nice bit of drama every now and again? Or are you going to do what you have to and get rid of him for good?
You know he had no right to talk about your child like that but is this is about your child then why the hell are you not getting rid of this poisonous lying scum bag from your child's life? How much arguing, heartache and on/off shit has your child to witness?
You may consider my post harsh, well that's the way it's meant to be OP, because you're angry now, well you damn well better do something constructive with it this time. I have a feeling you know all this though, I really think you know this is how it works, and you're really just here to get both validation and maybe some hints and tips on how to make this easy. It's not easy though OP, 4 years and a hell of a lot emotional investment makes this tough as hell but what other choice do you have at this point? Keep getting phonecalls, texts and all that other shit? For how long will you let that happen? Where is your boundary? You see you can't resolve this with him. Sorry is not going to fix this. So the time is now.
You have our opinions OP, even if you disagree with you being a sap, now that this has happened any bad shit that he does or says to you in the future will all be your fault and no one else.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 I am not sure of the time line here, was he already your ex when you kicked him out to the homeless shelter? If so, what was he doing back in your home?
If you really want him to stay away then its up to you to make sure he does, dont take his calls, dont respond to his texts, block his number, block his email account, dont answer the door, if he comes knocking and wont go away, call the police. Keep a diary of all his unwanted contacts to aid in taking out a restraining order.
Of course, if you let him in, even for a few minutes, during this cutting off period you will be right back at the beginning.
Its up to YOU to be strong, set your course and stick to it!
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