A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl through internet dating. She was lovely and I'd really like to see her again. We've been texting each other etc and seem to get on ok, but she doesn't seem as keen to chat as before we met up. Having said that, she's been ill and - she tells me - off work for a bit since then.We were meant to meet up today but, about two hours before, I get a text from her saying that she feels horrendously ill again and apologising for being so flakey. She's been ill for two weeks now. I thought she was really lovely and I would love to meet again, but then again I think it's rather rude to cancel just before - it's not like she didn't know she was ill the rest of the morning. If I was into someone I'd have to be really quite poorly to cancel at such short notice, wouldn't you?If she doesn't want to see me again then, fine, I can cope with that. However, I really really hate it when girls do the whole 'slow fade' thing. I want to give this person a chance because I do think she's genuinely not been well, but how do I word something to her that makes her realise that it's not appropriate to cancel dates at the last minute when a lot of prep has gone into them? Or something!Thanks everyone.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 She didn't cancel "just before". It was 2 hours. It happens. I get upset when friends cancel on me 1 hour before, or less. Last time a friend called me 5 minutes AFTER we were supposed to meet to tell me he was running late by an hour... Now that is when it gets annoying.
She was sick and trying to see if she left better. Give her a third chance to show she's still keen, and not just "fading out". Wait until she feels better before you arrange another date. Until then keep up the texting and checkin in on her and her health, girls love that. Especially if she is sick and at home, it can get quite boring, and she'll appreciate the attention, and give you attention next time when you are the sick one.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 She's been ill... maybe she was waiting to see if she felt better before canceling?
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (14 November 2011):
 You're not getting the message honey, she wasn't interested. Let her go, try a girl who will respect & appreciate you. There are LOT'S out there. Us girls are a bit hard to understand...we fall for the guy that treats us like crap! Don't waste another moment on her rudeness. She will regret it. Find another, there are lots of sweet pretty women out there. Oh! and girls know their manners. Don't kindle her an ettiquette book. Move on. You are a bit blinded by her beauty, SHE doesn't realize TIME will take care of that! Find another pretty flower.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): Sorry to say it, but it sounds like she's not interested. It also sounds like her "illness" might be a convenient white lie to avoid making time for you.
"How do I word something to her that makes her realise that it's not appropriate to cancel dates at the last minute when a lot of prep has gone into them?" You can tell her directly or alternately or you can just not ask her out again and wait for her to initiate getting together. At least this way you'll get some indication if she's actually interested in you. I'd refrain from texting her for a while too.
It sounds like she might like your attention and your chase, but she's half-hearted about you. If she does initiate and you do see her again, ask her directly if she is in fact interested in seeing you again or not. She might pick up the slack if you demonstrate that you won't endlessly pursue her. You might want to also ask yourself if you really want to date someone who is that tactless.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Say exactly that - "Next time, please cancel as soon as you can, rather than waiting." The tone of voice is far more important than the words here; you want your tone to be firm, but not passive-aggressive or rude. If she gets mad about it, don't argue or get defensive, just move on with the conversation after that. If she agrees, thank her and move on. Do not dwell on it after that.
So long as you're not confrontational about it, she's either a grown woman who can handle a little criticism, or she's a girl who needs to learn to deal with it.
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