A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I caught my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years (we are now sophomores in college, but started dating in high school) masturbating to photos of her female friends from our high school. Long story, but she thought I was still taking a shower one day this summer, but I had hopped out to get a new bottle of body wash, leaving the shower running, and when I walked past her room I saw her on her bed masturbating with one hand and holding up the photos to seem them with her other hand.These weren't nude photos or anything, just normal pics. (although many of the photos are of her friends in bikinis or somewhat revealing sport uniforms)We have talked about it. She was embarrassed that I witnessed her looking at the photos, but admitted that she regularly looks at pics of her attractive friends from high school/college and fantasizes about them when she pleasures herself. She says she has been doing this for years, before we ever started dating. (I had noticed, and even jokingly commented once, that she kept lots of photos of her female friends on the walls, desk and nightstand around both her bedroom at home and dorm room, but none of me.)One thing that makes me feel better about all this, is that she's not just focused on one girl. There are at least five girls from high school and two from our college she's admitted to fantasizing about. She says she does think about me sometimes, but it just depends upon what she in the mood for.I'm conflicted about the situation. On one hand, it totally turns me on and I can't stop thinking about it. On the other hand, it kind of makes me uncomfortable. Why isn't she looking at photos of me? Does this mean she would rather be with another girl than with me? Is this normal? Another problem is that I'm kind of turned on and keep wanting her to tell me about it and provide me additional details about what turns her on, but I think she's embarrassed about it and doesn't want to keep talking about it (which then reinforces my insecurity... see the problem?). She says she doesn't want to act out this fantasy, but the thought of being with her friends really turns her on and she likes to have the photos to help her visualize them. She says that she thinks it's fairly common for girls to be somewhat attracted to their female friends and fantasize about them. Does her behavior sound normal? Is it normal to masturbate to pictures of your friends?Our relationship is going okay, this happened almost two months ago, but it is strained because she just wants me to accept that its completely normal and I have nothing to worry about, but I'm both curious about details and worried about what it means for us and the future.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Sex fantasies are private things. Just because you are her bf doesn't mean that asking for all the details isn't horribly intrusive. You might be curious, but it would be good to let that curiosity be dormant. After all, there's no rush if you are planning to be together for a lifetime.Rather it seems to me that you are asking those questions about her fantasies because you lack the courage to ask the questions which matter: do you love me, do you want to stay with me forever? If she still loves you and wants to be with you, then there's no need for insecurity. Rather the opposite -- despite being interested in both men and in women (in vary degrees), out of that doubly-sized pool she has chosen you.Maybe you aren't asking the tough questions because that involves a commitment to her. Asking someone if they'll stay with you forever is offering to stay with them forever.Her behaviour is completely normal. It is normal because there is a spectrum of lesbian feeling (and gay feeling too, btw). Some people never have a thought, some people give it an occasional thought, for some people it is a recurring fantasy, for some people it is an act, for some people the thought of sex anything else is repulsive. It seems to me that your girlfriend is on a place on that spectrum which isn't incompatible with your relationship with her -- unless you choose for it to be incompatible.Your idea that she should looking at photos of you when masturbating is totally unrealistic and rather egotistical. I'm pretty sure my wife's fantasy life stretches to more people than just me. I'd think that would be true almost by definition. After all, my wife doesn't need to fantasise about me: if she wants me then I'm within reach.Best to think of it as something which adds to your gf's allure. A sign that your girlfriend has hidden depths of interestingness. Casting a net into those depths and hauling the interestingness to the surface is to kill it.If she were my girl then I'd be flattered that she had shared as much as she has about something so private. And when I had an attractive new female friend I'd be saying "hey, how about my gf takes a photo".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): It is nothing to worry about at all. She is with you and wants to be with you, she just fantasizes about her female friends. Just because she is looking at photo's of them and not of you does not reflect on you in any way. After all your the only one who gets to be with her physically, that means a whole lot more than looking at a few photos when pleasuring herself. If she seems embarrassed to talk about it stop asking her until she is ready to talk about it.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Fantasty's are fine so long as they remain fantasy's. We all get turned on by different things and trying to understand why someone finds one thing hot and another something else is almost impossible. As long as this remains in her head I don't think you should worry.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 September 2011):
 You shouldn't feel threatened or worried that she's doing this. Many people don't actually think about their partner when their fantasizing or masturbating, and some do. I don't think you should hold this against her. It's what she prefers to get off to when you two aren't being intimate, so accept it. It's not like she's cheating on you or trying to hook up with them. It's just a picture and she has a right to please herself however she wants when she's alone. So don't think anything of it.
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