A
female
age
36-40,
*tarburstGrin
writes:My best friend since high school was drinks uncontrollably and blacks out and causes problems for everyone around her because of her drinking. I have been kicked out of places, found her passed out on sidewalks in dangerous cities, she has run off from the group, called me and my friends names and then says "she doesn't remember saying that." I confronted her twice about it. One time I told her I was concerned about her health and safety since she passes out at bars and gets kicked out of bars sometimes, and the second time (when she didn't change her actions) I told her it was embarrassing me and she was going to lose friends because of her drinking. She apologized both times and said that she didn't know how bad she was. She would stop getting black out drunk maybe 2 of the 3 times we would hang out instead of every single time, but those bad times were BAD. Then on July 4th, last year, my boyfriend and I had a BBQ in the back yard. She got SO HAMMERED in the middle of the day and embarrassed everyone! She never apologized and so I just stopped hanging out with her and declining her party and hang-our invitations to avoid those situations. We hadn't really talked since then--almost a year. A couple of weeks ago, she asked to meet me for dinner to rekindle the friendship. After I asked some friends for advice, they told me to take the invitation and meet her for dinner in case she wanted to tell me she had changed. In the meantime, I have been becoming friends with this other girl. This girl is engaged to my boyfriend's best friend. My boyfriend and I have been together over 6 years, so this girl and I have been becoming closer and closer over the last couple of years, especially as she is planning her wedding now. I told her about the all my problems and concerns with my best friend, talk to her about her wedding, and we plan stuff together, etc. She told me I should give my best friend another chance and maybe her sudden drinking was a phase and she is over it now, since she already knows how I feel about her drinking and is reaching out to me again. She has been encouraging me to befriend her again. I feel very strongly about alcohol and how it affects people since alcoholism runs in my family so I have been very cautious about letting her back into my life since I don't want to enable her. My new friend said she probably has changed and that I should invite her to her bachelorette party that is coming up in a week!I was not a fan of the idea at first but she kept saying it would be fun and she would like to see my best friend again since they two of them were becoming friends too last year. She didn't hang out with her much so she doesn't know her drinking is as bad as I knew it to be last year.But with her encouragement, and seeing my friend drinking water only at our "reunion" dinner last night, I went ahead and invited her. I told my friend that is getting married that I invited her and she said "awesome," but then a few hours later she texted me and said " I am concerned about her sloppy drunk thing, and I don't want that going on at my party, and I don't want you to have to deal with it either." It was really late, so I just replied real fast "I can appreciate that, and I will try to think of a way to tell her we are all booked up"I think it is good not to ruin this girl's one and only bachelorette party, but is sucks because I already invited her and she said she was excited to come and see everyone!! I am annoyed that she encouraged me to invite her telling me that she probably has changed, and then she changed her mind!!Now I am in a pickle--I am kind of annoyed with my engaged friend's mind change, but I also think it is a good idea to not let my friend come since she has a tendency to cause scenes and get her group kicked out of bars because of her drama and drinking and fights, etc. How do I un-invite her?? Does anyone have a creative excuse?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 OP, I think you are making this more complicated than it is. There's no need to weave a tangled web of lies , this is a case in which the truth will set you free :)
Plan a ) ( my favourite ) . You refuse to uninvite Sloppy Drunk , there's only so many cartwheels we can do to please people, right ?! You go to Bachelorette and say " Ooops, Bachelorette, too late. You insisted that I invite Sloppy Drunk , I did as per your instructions, and now I definitely cannot uninvite her. Impossible. It's something that's completely against my habits and rules, and it would make me terribly uncomfortable. Of course, if you go by different rules , YOU feel free to call her up and uninvite her . If instead you decide she can come to the party, what I can do is to have a little talk with her and make her promise to be on her best behaviour ". ( That, you can certainly do it ).
plan b ) You choose to appease Bachelorette , go to Sloppy Drunk and say " Sorry Sloppy Drunk, to be honest you were invited to the party but, well, Bachelorette had second thoughts. Since there have been accidents in the past when you were a guest at parties, Bachelorette is a bit apprehensive and prefers to stay on the safe side. I am only the messenger, so please do not shoot me ".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): Yea hindsight is 20/20... unfortunately she has already been invited so I can't un-do this situation! Thanks anyways though. I guess I was seeking advice on what to tell the bachelorette or an excuse to give my friend. Ugh. I hate this-especially since I didn't want the friend there in the first place. I wanted her there, but not without moral support from this bachelorette.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 May 2013):
No sorry, you don't un-invite people, that's about the rudest thing you can come up with ( unless of course of really exceptional circumstances ,like you find them in bed with your bf the day before the party !).
You think well BEFORE if they deserve an invitation, and once you issue your invitation, you stand by your word.
I understand that it's the other girl's fault for insisting first ,then changing her mind right after,- but you too need to learn being less pliable and sticking to your guns. You thought , in fact you know, that the sloppy drunk girl is going to wreak havoc , and you did not want to invite her ; you should just have said no : No, dear bachelorette, I think it's a terrible idea , I don't want to take this responsibility upon me , if YOU want to invite her, YOU call her.
Which is exactly what the bachelorette should do now : SHE does not want her at the party, after having wanted her first and insisted for having her. So SHE is the one who changed her mind, SHE is the one who should uninvite your friend ( if she does not mind being such a jerkette ).
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