A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Husband has had a affair for 4 months last year with a woman he met on the internet. He then went to Afghanistan and we are no further forward in repairing the marriage. He is on leave at the moment and i have said in order for me to believe what he is telling me he has to set up a meeting with her so she can answer some questions such as how many times did they meet and do the deed, (i think it is more than what my husband said). Anyway he says he cannot now get in touch with her as he has no phone number and has no address,My question is, is it a good idea to contact her (i think she should know the real me and not the lies he told her)and also how would i trace her i don,t even know her name, (he has been unfaithful before)
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi again, thanks for your response. Very good luck to you in the future. Remember what we told you, and make healthy choices. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses The main reason for me seeing this woman is he fact that i feel he should face i victims ad i need to hear him say to her YOU WERE NOTHING,then i will believe him he has told me that much crap in the past i have to know the truth from her. you see he is a very cowardly man, he promised her the world and like me let her down, he walked away from her but didn't have the decency to tell her it was over I don't want this skeleton to crop up again. (and he fights for queen and country). He has maintained he wants to make a go of our marriage and he keeps saying he ended it to save our marriage. I want him to look at us both and squirm. Sorry if that seems awful but I have been chewed for 7 months now. Thanks for letting me know your views I may take a bit of each to help me on my way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Meeting this woman, finding out more etc etc - it will not change the fact he cheated. You cannot justify it or 'quench' your thirst for this information by meeting her because it won't change the situation that you are in a relationship with a liar. If you suspect someone is cheating and you cannot find out you can hire private detectives. My only comment is that once you go down this route expect to get information you may wish you never knew. The issue is your relationship (if you can call it one) not this other woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Am sorry but how can u trace some-one who has no phone number,no address & who’s name u do not know?
Do u realize how ridiculous that sounds?
I think u maybe be turning this into an obsession.
I agree with 'Artistry' I don't think it would be a good idea to meet this woman.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (13 August 2008):
Hi there, Some of the things I say are going to be a little bit blunt, so I apologize up front. Your husband cheated on you, not once but twice or these are the times you know about. It would be a good idea if your husband found a good therapist, as he has a problem being faithful or being committed to one person, he needs help. I hope you can see that, and you need to put your foot down, and realize that you are being a co-dependent in this situation, As long as you keep forgiving him, he will continue to do what he has done. You are acting like a parent and he is the child, wake up, this behavior should be unacceptable to you, he needs to change, and how do you know what he is bringing home to you in the area of health. Stop the insanity, please. Now as to tracking this woman, that he had the affair with, the latest one. You only know her as the one he had the affair with, why would you want to put a face on it. Once you meet this woman, do you think you will be able to get her out of your mind, as opposed to now, when you only have an imaginary picture in your mind? You will be comparing yourself to her, wondering why he chose her, is she prettier than you, better in bed? Can you see how this is not going to help you. It is painful enough, if you love this man, to get over the pain as it is, without etching her face in your mind forever. Leave it alone, and you are playing with a form of stalking, your life should be used, if I may say so, doing positive things, to improve your mind and body. I would also suggest you find a good therapist, and try to come to grips with why you are so
tolerant of improper behavior on the part of your husband, when he is constanly disrespecting you by cheating. If you allow a person to disrespect you on and on, they have no reason to change, they just keep getting worse, throwing more and more mud in your face. You then start to believe that this is what you deserve. Back to the woman, what is the good of you straightening out the supposed lies your husband told her, what then, she will feel better about you, what does she matter in your life, she may not have cared about what he told her about you, she may have only wanted sex, or perhaps if she could, she would have taken him from you. Please leave this thought in the dust, let that woman go on her way, and you move on, and try to get this relationship with your husband into a better, and healthier place. Sorry to be so long winded, but I hate to see people trying to make themselves more miserable. Stop and think about what you want to do, and realize that you are trying to put yourself in a worse place than you are now. Take care and try to be your own best friend. If you don't respect and love yourself, nobody else has any reason to. Be good to yourself.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 August 2008):
First off, do you really want to know exactly what they did and how many times? You already know he's a liar and that he cheated, spare yourself some heartache and don't try to find out the details. Even if you did have any info on her, I don't think you should bother contacting her. After all, who cares what she thinks about you? You don't even know this person! Your husband deserves to be alone and he will probably do it again, he's unfaithful and untrustworthy. And you have to know that it's total BS that he has no phone number or address...he's a liar!
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