A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A year ago I had a thing for a friend. Everybody in our big circle of friends knew. People kept pushing us towards each other and a few people thought we were actually dating because we spent a lot of time together. For the longest time I thought he was giving me mixed signals, but evidently I was wrong because when I finally asked him what his feelings were he rejected me. We continued to be friends like before until the new academic year, when he moved up on the social food chain, started hanging out with the cooler people in our big circle of friends, and stopped hanging out with me unless said cooler people were present too.I feel pretty awful now. I feel like I’m the annoying girl who didn’t realize that she was pathetic, chased a guy out of her league, and made a massive fool of herself. He’s not actually out of my league (he just thinks he is) and realistically, I don’t think I acted desperate or stupid – I just made my interest known, and then accepted the rejection gracefully. Is there anything really wrong with that? But still, I feel pathetic, and fear that he and the rest of our friends think I’m pathetic as well. I can’t stop wondering what’s wrong with me that I wasn’t good enough.Sometimes I feel like he’s amused by the fact that I liked him, or he says things that are subtly poking fun at me for it. (He pokes fun at things this way all the time, and does it very much on purpose.) Sometimes our other friends still bring it up, or kinda tease me about it. I want the whole matter to be forgotten. I feel stupid and sick over it, as if I’ve done something to be ashamed of. If I could go back in time and never even met the guy, I would. If I had the choice to never see him again, I’d take it – but it’s pretty much impossible since we’re on a small campus and hang out with the same people. Also complicated by the fact that I miss him as a friend and he's a decent person whose company I enjoy. It would be so much easier if I could honestly dislike him.What can I do to stop feeling so terrible here, aside from cutting off everyone I know and becoming a hermit? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): I cannot believe this is the exact situation that happened to me in exactly the same circumstances how is that possible? Is it the same guy lol? I too cannot recover from the humiliation of falling for someone and when did he withdrew and left me standing solo out there when before he was all for it. Cannot get over it the way he side stepped me and made me feel something was wrong with me. Its on my mind all the time the ifs, whys, questioning, analyzing, going over and over in my head the things he said to me and how he has just cut me out of his life and don't know why? It has really broken my self esteem, confidence and whole state of being. Feel humiliated, a fool and obviously i wasn't good enough for him or unworthy.Just decided all i can do is wait until this aching and whole painful experience gets better with time. I refuse to contact him or make it any worse than i already have let myself down and boost his ego any longer. However it is really difficult day by day waiting for this to one day be over psychologically the damage done by this whole affair. Can think of little else to be honest its like it haunting me and like you I still miss him so much.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 March 2013):
 sweetheart, you didn't do anythinig wrong. the guy gave you all the signs he was interested in you and you were brave enough to be honest about it. you did nothing wrong at all. if he's not man enough or adult enough to handle that like a grown up, then that honestly reflects poorly on him. not you.
it sounds as though it's possible he DID like you back, but mr. popularity was too worried about the status quo rather than his real feelings. let him go play the popular card. one day he'll realize being popular means shit in the real world.
as for you, keep your head up. i'm sure you're a lovely girl who will find a hot and sexy guy who will treat you great. just grow a thick skin and ignore him as best you can. one day i assure you, you'll look back on this and realize everyone is just acting on immaturity.
keep your head up.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Truthfully, the "cool people food chain" mentality died in middle school. You feel inferior because you choose to be, not because you are. No one is out of your league, and this whole "hanging out with cooler friends" is only your low self-esteem manifesting itself because of his not liking you like you liked him.
So get over it and someone even better than he is will come along. Instead of pining for him and measuring yourself against others, focus on self-improvement and be confident in yourself. Like I said, this whole "cool person" mentality is utterly worthless outside of middle or maybe high school. You're an adult now, time to throw off the grade school mentality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): You might not appreciate it now, but you were honest about your feelings and you gave it a try. I can't say that for half of the people who come to this site who have a crush on someone. I can't say that for a lot of the people I know. In all honesty, I can't even say that about myself 100 percent of the time.
Perhaps you can't embrace the feeling now, but I suspect you'll be proud of what you did in time...you have no idea how many women come to this site hiding a crush or who want to get married or date and don't have the stones to say it or simply just ask. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
My advice to give yourself some relief is to widen your circle. Hang out and meet other people you don't know already. That's part of what university is for anyway.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 You don't have to become a hermit OP, just don't give him or any of your other friends too much importance because honestly, what they say or think doesn't matter in the LEAST. The guy doesn't sound too promising in any case, he obviously thinks he's "all that" and he probably feel that he's become this very desirable man who has the option to go along rejecting women as and when he wants.
Hold your head high, you haven't done anything wrong. Just behave like nothing ever happened and when your friends ever bring this up, just laugh it off. Say that it was a stupid mistake. Don't attach any importance to the guy and dont let him poke fun at you. Stand up for yourself and give as good as you get.
Chin up and smile. You haven't done anything to be ashamed of. This is all a part of growing up. You will break hearts and you will have your heart broken only to meet someone fabulous to fall in love with.
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