A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would like to know your opinions and what I should do, I am 15 year old girl I am secretly engaged to my boyfriend and we have had sex many times, i am finding it very difficult to tell my parents that I have had sex so how would I tell them or should I keep it between us? Thanx :) x
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 June 2010):
 The Doctors and teachers have a duty to protect you. Sex Ed is taught so that if there are silly teenagers who do decide to have sex too young, they do not get pregnant or come down with some nasty sexually transmitted disease. You were sensible and took precautions - many your age do not.
Do you actually know what it means to get engaged? It is not just a superficial thing. It means that you are engaged to be MARRIED. The engagement is the period prior to making that one big commitment. The fact that you cannot see the connection between the two suggests that you do not understand the full meaning of it, and that its just a "tag". Being engaged is a very deep and special thing, and not something to be taken lightly. At 15 you are not ready to be married, you are still VERY young to be making that sort of commitment. And in truth, I very much doubt you will still be with your "fiance" in a couple of years time. People grow and change so much from 15 to 20 years, and they grow to want different things. Very few teenage relationships last past school and even less end up as life long relationships.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeltic tiger--- erm for one I didn't say I was getting married yet I said engaged ,,, another thing if it's so bad to have underage sex why do they teach us so much bout it straight away and y give you the chance to get free contriception from doctors and helth clinics? Cause they know your age and don't say anything about it and he's has only just turned 16 and I am just about to.
Groovymoving--- thanx for a nice reply , no they don't tell me bout their sex life, but I've always been really close to them and I have never kept anything from them but maybe it is something I should keep in thankyou for ur help
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 June 2010):
Two things, one Sex under 16 is illegal, so technically you are breaking the law. At 15 you cannot consent to sex, and therefor it is RAPE. Regardless of if you said yes or not. If your boyfriend is over 18, this is an even worse criminal offense, with up to 2 years jail time.
The other thing is - I think your parents would be more shocked you were secretly engaged to your boyfriend. You do realise, until you are 18, you have to have your parents permission to get married?
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I believe that it is very important for teenagers to have honest relationships with their parents. So many kids I know sneak around their parents' backs and end up in utter disasters, such as pregnancy, STDs, violent relationships, and drug abuse. It is important to have a trusting relationship with a parent or guardian! They have been around the block and can help you!You need to discuss this issue with them, at least some of it. You need to tell them about this secret fiance/boyfriend and tell them your feelings. Explain the relationship and what is going on. You don't need to tell them every dirty detail about your relationship, though! If you feel comfortable enough, it might not be a bad idea to tell your Mom you've become sexually active. There are many responsibilities that come along with a young woman becoming sexually active. You need to begin seeing a gynecologist and having regular exams that scan for HPV and cervical cancer. Both of these can ruin a woman's reproductive system if left to progress. Thus, it is extremely important to be safe and always use condoms. Hopefully, you do. Being honest with your parents will not be an easy task, but if your parents are understanding realists, they will respect your honesty and courage. They will most likely not receive the news well. I would say that any parent wouldn't. They will most likely not approve of this engagement, as you are very young. Be ready to hear what you might not want to hear, but bite the bullet and talk to them anyways.My other advice to you, dear, is remember to always be safe. Condoms are a must to prevent pregnancy and STDs. Though, they are not always fool proof! Going on the pill might not be a bad idea, either. Research if there are any women's clinics in your area or make an appointment with your doctor (being your age, you might need a parent's consent). Secondly, you are very, very young! You have your entire life to have sex, get engaged, and be married. Take it slow. Enjoy your friends and family. Make lasting bonds that will create true happiness. I know you don't want to hear this, but boyfriends and teen love come and go rather quickly. Be sensible. Best of luck. Be honest, be safe, be a kid. ;-)
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A
male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (27 June 2010):
I have never told my parents that I have had sex because it is none of their business. They tell me nothing about their sex life (in fact, I wouldn't want to know either) and I'm assuming your parents haven't been telling you much about what happens in their bed either (and I believe you wouldn't like to know because the image of your parents having sex might be "slightly" disturbing). It's not like parents don't know because if they're realists, they always know more than they show. But no matter if they know you're having sex or not, it is not a subject to discuss with them. Unless you want them to know, although - trust me - the majority doesn't.
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