A
female
age
41-50,
*adena
writes:A guy I have been sleeping with for 3 years gave me some beautiful jewelry for Christmas, sapphire necklace and earrings. He has a girlfriend, but was questioning their relationship, I thought this is a sign he wanted to be with me instead of her. I felt I had been on the sidelines long enough, boy was I wrong. A week later, I find out he is engaged and wants to break it off with me, he said he felt bad that he didn't treat me right and wanted to make up for it with a nice present. So she got a ring and all I got was regret. I feel bad that he cheated with me for so long, I feel I should tell the other woman in a way that doesn't come back directly to me. Please, do you have any suggestions on how to do this? How do I let her know in a subtle way?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I agree with the first poster female anonymous. Everything she said was spot on. Why did you wait three years to tell this women? If you had spoke up in the beginning, he would have had to choose then and there. Now you are basically a home wrecker. Don't kid yourself by thinking you are doing something noble here. Just get it over with. You people make me sick.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): why are you crying, you know he was a taken man yet you decide to sleep with him. how does the jewllery make you feel - if it was me i would feel like a common whore. because he was actually paying you for the sexual favours rendered to him.
yes his fiance needs to know what a two timing shit he is but your intentions to tell her is bias. botton line- you want revenge for him using you for sex and then dumping you like yesterdays garbage. in any case why do YOU want the two timing shit? he cared nothing for you and he paid you for services rendered. in fact he treated you like a common whore. maybe you should return the jewellery to his gf and say, thanks but no thanks. why do it subtly, so that he comes running to you when she dumps him. both you women are better off with out him. you just don't know it yet. the only innocent party here is his fiance and the sooner she gets to know about her mans sexual activities the better. next time, lay off taken men. you do not want to feel like shit again. you may not get him in the end but he sure will be outed as the two timer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I don't think that telling her is gonna make any difference to them at this point. Just you. Why do her the favor?
She is not gonna believe you and he will lie his way out of it - they will have a happy wedding day and then you can bet he will find another woman to cheat with him just like you were.
He is trash or he never would have expected you to keep on.
I know - I had a guy that did the opposite - oh he loved me he said - yeh yeh while he was meeting women from dating sites!
Just cut him cold turkey and the days when the marriage is rocky believe me he will be thinking of you - he didnt stay near for three years for nothing - there had to be some connection.
Look at what you gained and be glad you r not the one marrying a cheater!
Best of Luck to you
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Here is an idea - don't tell her!Sorry, ... but after being in a similar situation and having 'the other woman' tell me, I can't help but think that it was a psycho bunny boiler mentality that led her to do it regardless of if anyone thinks I should have known or not. I truly believe she is mentally unstable and to a degree even feel sorry for the bitch being such a wobbly nutter. However, my life was fucked over so hard that I would have been better off oblivious!What this boils down to is jealously, ... she has the man you want, the ring you want, the commitment you want, ... and in response to the pain this must be causing you (and I am sorry you feel like that) you are misdirecting it by wanting to (or contemplating) causing pain to an innocent victim. It will not win him back - it will piss him off and distance you even further. You can not achieve anything but MORE pain by doing this. Your time with him is ended and can not be repaired, so why hurt another person in the process? We can deride others actions, but nothing is so distasteful than recognizing and derinding our own. We are after all our worst judge and jury once concience kicks in! Tell yourself he is a dog, but tell yourself that you wont stoop to his pathetic standards. Be bigger, be better, be stronger, but cut your losses, move on, and find a man who is free to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Ask yourself one question...what will telling her achieve for you? The most you will get is either her not believing you, or she will believe you and you will be disliked by him and her.
You're hurt and you want to get back at him but in the end, telling her will not make you the better person. You shouldn't have been sleeping with someone who was not in a committed relationship with you for so long...what were you thinking? Didn't you ever stop and think that you deserved more? A man just to yourself?
I know I'm not telling you what you want to hear. If you still want her to know, there are many ways to tell her (an anonymous letter for example) but he will probably deny it and she's more likely to believe him than you.
It'd be nice if she took your words to heart and dumped his ass but the sad reality is that she probably won't do that and they'll 'work' through it and still end up together, and you won't be in a better place than you are now.
With that in mind, maybe it would be better for you to just move on. I dated a guy who I had no idea had a gf. When I found out I so badly wanted to tell her but in the end I just walked away. He wasn't worth it and I knew I'd just end up looking like the loser in the whole situation. I knew she wouldn't believe me and he'd make it look like I was the one after him. At the time it was so hard not to do something about it but in the end I'm glad that I didn't. I saved my dignity and self-respect and just walked away from a person who didn't think I was worth having a real relationship with.
I wish you'd do the same. You're hurt and at the moment, telling her what he's been doing, might make you feel better...but in the end it won't achieve anything positive for you. Be the better person and walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): The only reason you want to tell her now is because he dropped you, and now you just want to break them up to get revenge on him. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell her, because I definitely thinks she needs to know about that creep; but lets justbe honest here; your real intentions here are less than honorable. You could care less about his fiance, because if you did you would've never carried on the relationship in the first place!
now with that being said, send her a email.
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