A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old who still lives at home. I just found out I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's child. My friend and I haven't been dating very long but I have known and been friends with him for over 6years. Because of this fact my father hasn't officially met him as my boyfriend yet.. I have an appointment today to find out how far along I am. My question is how do I tell my father, who is a strict military man, that I am pregnant? He has a history of screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs and overreacting( I would understand overreacting in this case but it is still a scary situation). Please any advice would help.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 It sounds like your head is clear and you know what you want which is a great start. So good for you. I think a lot of girls are more scared to tell their dad than their mum. Start with telling your mum and then bring her with you to tell your dad if you are scared off him. If you are not scared off him then go with your boyfriend. At the end off the day you are an adult and their is nothing he can do. If he is not happy and does not want you living under his roof then you have two back up places. You are lucky you have so many options, a lot of young girls don't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2017): I am the one that posted the question. I have two options of where I can go. I am going to be working two jobs starting at the end of the week, and the father of the child is more than willing to do whatever he has to do in order to make sure the child is healthy and cared for. The only option I am NOT open for is abortion, I am a firm believer that it was my doing, even though I used protection, and it's my responsibility to bring that child into the world. Me and my boyfriend are discussing the options of adoption and will look into it but as of right now we are going about it as if we are keeping the child and doing what we can to financially care for the baby. So yes I have two places I can go, including the father of the baby's home, and we have the money to start doing what we need to.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Start by telling your mom. Maybe she can even give you some pointers on HOW to break it to your dad in the best way.
I know it can't be easy to tell him and I strongly URGE you to have someone with you when you do.
Now IF he kicks you out... What do you plan to do then?
It's good that you have jobs and can pay for stuff - that is another piece of advice is to shop for baby stuff over time instead of relying totally on baby showers or last minute shopping.
Seems like your BF is also taking this serious and that is good.
Does your dad KNOw that you are seeing someone?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): I am the one who posted the question. Yes I have 2 jobs starting in the coming week, my boyfriend has a job also that pays $13 an hour 5 days a week, he's selling his motorcycle as we speak to turn round and buy a car we can use. I know the responsibility of my actions, although we used a condom it's very apparent it was ruptured or broken in some way. My father is known to over react and I'm scared to tell him, it's never known exactly how he's going to react it could go from him just screaming at me to full on kicking me out.(good example, I pierced my nose when I was 16 and he threatened to kick me out and told me I better live with my mother instead, took a few days for him to calm down but he never kicked me out) I've planned for the worst case senerios so I have back up plans of where I can go. My mother and father aren't married and I plan on telling her soon, she's the one I'm most comfortable telling about me becoming pregnant. My appointment went very well today as well baby is about 6weeks along. My main concern,other than the baby, is telling my father.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): When I read the tone of your post, I get the feeling that you're fearful of your father because of violent episodes in the past. Violence isn't necessarily physical, violence is something that causes damage. Stealing, yelling, slander, etc. You made a mistake and it's natural for parents to be upset or let down, but no one deserves to live in an atmosphere of fear. Where is your mom? Can't you talk to her? It's time to make plans about the future... are you going to raise your baby, or put him/her up for adoption? Are you in a situation where you can afford to provide the best of everything for a child? It is not easy to pursue an education when you are struggling to raise a kid, and my advice is to consider adoption so that the baby can have a loving home and parents to fulfill its material needs and wants. You are old enough to take responsibility for your child and make the decision that is in its best interests. It sounds like you've always had a difficult relationship with your father. Would different living arrangements be an option?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): My apologies to the monitor and you OP. I understand that the title is original. I just hope my advice is still helpful based on your needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): You don't actually mention anything about your father being strict, religious, or in the military in your post. I assume that was mentioned in the title by the monitor.
If your father is a religious man; then he knows he isn't perfect, and a forgiveness is what all religions teach.
Ruling with an iron fist only creates a fearful family. The point of all religions, excluding satanism and some other crazy junk out there, is love. That should be first and foremost in his heart as a man of faith and a father.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): He's your father. He can't scream and yell things away. It is sorrowful that he has raised his family in fear of him, rather than love and trust. It is what it is!
A father's duty and obligation to the children he brought into this world is to love, protect, and guide them. You're 20 years old, and mature enough to understand the circumstances of your actions; and to take responsibility for them.
Tell him, or just let him wait and see. Either way, he'll find out. You can't hide it too long. He can only be angry but for so long; and then he will have to calm down or blow a gasket. His anger hurts no one more than it hurts himself. He will estrange his family, isolate himself, and he will grow old alone; because everyone feared him and distanced themselves. Tempers don't fix things, it just causes dissension and commotion.
The military teaches discipline, precision, and control. Your father's temper comes from poor self-control and anger-management issues. Don't blame that on the military.
If he has post-traumatic stress syndrome due to service in combat; he owes it to his family (and himself) to seek treatment. If he doesn't, and he's just plain mean, that is most unfortunate. It will have serious consequences.
Face him. It is all you can do. Make sure that boyfriend is with you when you tell him; and he takes financial-responsibility to support his child. Insist that he also actively co-parents his offspring. All children deserve and need both parents in their lives.
You deserve to get yelled at too. For not taking precautions that could protect you from STD's as well as pregnancy. You're old enough to know that unprotected-sex is risky; and pregnancy is more likely than anything else. If he does get angry, it's because he is frustrated that you behaved as if you weren't taught any better.
Parents are entitled to vent their frustrations and disappointment. They strive to give you a better life and to teach you not to make the same mistakes they did. I never consider pregnancy a mistake, only the child may end-up with the wrong parents. A child is a blessing, but parents are a gamble of nature. I hope your child is born into love and a stable home. I hope you haven't taken on your father's aggressiveness. I think you're just ashamed and may be blowing this somewhat out of proportion; to give your father some benefit of the doubt.
You're not a child anymore, so face-up to father. You and your boyfriend will now have to decide where you're going to live and raise your kid. That for sure, is no one's responsibility but between the two of you!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 I would not understand overreacting in this case. You are an adult and you are entitled to make your own life decisions. Yes, you live under his/your parents roof, but still. You're not a slave and you're not his property. You're not disrespecting him by getting pregnant, and it's your life that will be affected, not his.
Screaming and yelling like this is a form of abuse. I would treat it as such if he starts to have a go at you. I would figure out first how far along you're with the pregnancy, talk to boyfriend about it and make some plans. I would strongly advice you to not be dependent on your father any longer. If he believes he is entitled to verbally assault you, then you should try to have as little contact with him as possible.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 May 2017):
 I concur with what the previous aunts have advised you. You know your father so timing is very important, definitely not something to bring up when he's in a bad mood or has had a bad day but it should be done as soon as possible before he figures it out on his own, overhears a conversation, or hears it from someone else. Do you have someone that you can have with you when you tell him to act as a buffer? Someone that can try and smooth things over and act as a mediator if need be? I don't think I would tell your father alone if there is any way that it can be avoided.
As Honeypie said, your father will be upset/disappointed but part of it is most certainly because he wants what is best for you and right now you are not living in the best of a situation to take care of a child. Try and understand the feelings that you dad will be experiencing. Can you take care of yourself? a child? Do you have a job? money? Is your boyfriend going to help? Trust me..you dad is going to ask questions! Be prepared....have answers..it will help.
I've been where you are sweetie...About 36 years ago, I was 19, not married and found out my boyfriend and I were expecting. I was terrified. We had planned on getting married too but not for another year or two. My parents took the news very well, I was shocked. We decided to marry and have the baby. My parents were so supportive and helpful and that baby was spoiled rotten. The marriage didn't last but the bond between my parents and the baby has!
Get your ducks in a row, and go talk to your dad. Remember even if he becomes angry...deep down inside he loves you and is just worried.
I wish you all the best!
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 This is a very tricky situation for you but it's better to tell him now rather than later. The sooner he knows, the better. You can only really pluck up all your courage and pick your time with him carefully, like when he's in a good mood. You are just going to have to say "I've got something important to tell you, I'm pregnant' and then you are going to have to wait for his reaction. At least it's best that he knows even if he does get annoyed.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2017):
Do you have a plan for how you will CARE for this child? Can you AFFORD a child?
Are you still in school? Or do you have a job? Where do you live? What are your plans for the future?
IF you live at home with your dad, with no job (still in school) and your BF isn't much further along in his maturity level, your dad is NOT going to be happy about it. I don't really blame him.
He probably WILL overreact so I would have SOMEONE with you when you tell him.
And I probably WOULD try and formulate a plan of action as to HOW you intend on taking CARE (financially) and otherwise of this new life. So you can show him that you are TAKING it seriously.
You do know that when he "overreacts" it's because he wants MORE or BETTER for you, right? It's not just because he wants to scream at you.
Where is your mom in all this?
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